In a strange twist of fate, I agree with link. You need some badassery about you. You seem about as exotic as white rice. My suggestion, full sleeve dragon tattoo.
|
|
|
The single rant.
- Thread starter Jinster81
- Start date
Dragon tatoo with harley work be better.
shinyup
Member
I got married at 41. It seemed a bit late at the time, but I've always been determined that I was only ever going to do it once, so I shouldn't leap till I was sure.
To be sure, I did two things: 1) made lifestyle choices that would bring me in contact with lots of the kind of women I was interested in, and 2) worked on being the best version of myself that I could be.
And I dated lots. Not hookups (though there were plenty of those) but short, get-to-know-you relationships in which the point was to figure out whether we were a good match. Sure, sometimes I stayed in a relationship far too long because it felt good (8 years, 2 years) but that was mostly in the early days when I still had time to burn.
The last few years of my bachelorhood I was usually dating about 4 to 8 women a year.
To be clear, because I feel like that last sentence could come off as bragging, I tried really hard not to be a 'playa'. I was looking for a life partner, and you can't build a partnership on sketchy foundations. I was tried to be a gentleman, and when I broke things off, I did it respectfully. Many of the women I dated are friends now. Several were at my wedding.
When I met my wife, it was obvious, almost from the first date, that this one was different from all the others. I let her know it, and we both stopped looking, just like that. I proposed on our first anniversary, and we got married just before our second. We've been married three years now, and we've yet to have a fight.
The point of this message is to say that with the right mental attitude, it very possible to meet the woman of your dreams. Figure our who you want to be dating, and where they're likely to hang out (hint: take classes, throw parties). Set your standards high, both for her and for yourself. Don't rush to settle, and don't rush to the next one either.
You might not meet Miss Right very soon, but you'll enjoy the search.
To be sure, I did two things: 1) made lifestyle choices that would bring me in contact with lots of the kind of women I was interested in, and 2) worked on being the best version of myself that I could be.
And I dated lots. Not hookups (though there were plenty of those) but short, get-to-know-you relationships in which the point was to figure out whether we were a good match. Sure, sometimes I stayed in a relationship far too long because it felt good (8 years, 2 years) but that was mostly in the early days when I still had time to burn.
The last few years of my bachelorhood I was usually dating about 4 to 8 women a year.
To be clear, because I feel like that last sentence could come off as bragging, I tried really hard not to be a 'playa'. I was looking for a life partner, and you can't build a partnership on sketchy foundations. I was tried to be a gentleman, and when I broke things off, I did it respectfully. Many of the women I dated are friends now. Several were at my wedding.
When I met my wife, it was obvious, almost from the first date, that this one was different from all the others. I let her know it, and we both stopped looking, just like that. I proposed on our first anniversary, and we got married just before our second. We've been married three years now, and we've yet to have a fight.
The point of this message is to say that with the right mental attitude, it very possible to meet the woman of your dreams. Figure our who you want to be dating, and where they're likely to hang out (hint: take classes, throw parties). Set your standards high, both for her and for yourself. Don't rush to settle, and don't rush to the next one either.
You might not meet Miss Right very soon, but you'll enjoy the search.
Last edited:
Red_Liner740
Well-known member
Remember dude, grass is always greener on the other side....Like some said, you now want what you dont have and what you are being told is what you should have.
Its that peer pressure thing again. Whoever is an outlier is shunned simply because hes not doing/saying what the sheep are saying.
A few months ago i met up with a whole bunch of guys from my TSR (torontostreetracing) days that i havent seen in like 8 years. Half of em are married with kids....You know what every single one of em told me! DONT DO IT! They all went from being free to do what they want, driving cool cars and hanging out to driving shitboxes or minivans cuz the wife limits what they can and cannot do.
I'm not single, i am engaged but in my mind that is no different than being with a girl. I can still break it off if things got to that. Kids make that a whole lot diff.
So dont just jump in and wifey-up the first chick that you meet. Bad ju-ju!!
Its that peer pressure thing again. Whoever is an outlier is shunned simply because hes not doing/saying what the sheep are saying.
A few months ago i met up with a whole bunch of guys from my TSR (torontostreetracing) days that i havent seen in like 8 years. Half of em are married with kids....You know what every single one of em told me! DONT DO IT! They all went from being free to do what they want, driving cool cars and hanging out to driving shitboxes or minivans cuz the wife limits what they can and cannot do.
I'm not single, i am engaged but in my mind that is no different than being with a girl. I can still break it off if things got to that. Kids make that a whole lot diff.
So dont just jump in and wifey-up the first chick that you meet. Bad ju-ju!!
toshison
Well-known member
I'd listen to TomC's suggestion of taking up co-ed activities except for the salsa classes suggestion.
Everytime I walk by the salsa school near by home, I see all these creepy single guys there trying to pretend like they care about the moves when really they just want to bust a nut in some of the girls! I can see right through them. No single guy in his 30's/late 20's "just wants to dance". Thats BS and the girls can see through it too.
My personal suggestion would be to take up Capoeira (martial art). I use to train for years and there were always nice girls in the classes, some smoking hot, others more average. They seem to really like it. The ratio was always pretty good (often more girls than guys) and the vibe is generally really social and friendly so you will get to know them.
My other personal suggestion is that if you feel like your life has stagnated. It may be time for a total reboot. Take a year off to travel or go live in a different city for a while. I'd do you more good than you can imagine.
My other other personal suggestion is that you take your search international.
Some of the other guys here are going to tell you to enjoy and take your time but I disagree. The longer you wait/take, the more difficult its going to be. No need to freak out but act with a sense of purpose and urgency. The good chicks get scooped up and there will be less of them around you age, you'll have to either find a younger girl that doesn't mind the age gap or deal with a lot of women with baggage before you find one of the remaining gems. Im a year older than you but I got a friend who entered the other side of 40 and he's having trouble finding a woman who still wants to have kids.
Everytime I walk by the salsa school near by home, I see all these creepy single guys there trying to pretend like they care about the moves when really they just want to bust a nut in some of the girls! I can see right through them. No single guy in his 30's/late 20's "just wants to dance". Thats BS and the girls can see through it too.
My personal suggestion would be to take up Capoeira (martial art). I use to train for years and there were always nice girls in the classes, some smoking hot, others more average. They seem to really like it. The ratio was always pretty good (often more girls than guys) and the vibe is generally really social and friendly so you will get to know them.
My other personal suggestion is that if you feel like your life has stagnated. It may be time for a total reboot. Take a year off to travel or go live in a different city for a while. I'd do you more good than you can imagine.
My other other personal suggestion is that you take your search international.
Some of the other guys here are going to tell you to enjoy and take your time but I disagree. The longer you wait/take, the more difficult its going to be. No need to freak out but act with a sense of purpose and urgency. The good chicks get scooped up and there will be less of them around you age, you'll have to either find a younger girl that doesn't mind the age gap or deal with a lot of women with baggage before you find one of the remaining gems. Im a year older than you but I got a friend who entered the other side of 40 and he's having trouble finding a woman who still wants to have kids.
bboySushi
Well-known member
Hmm...
I thought if you had God, you'd never be alone!?
God made Eve to give company to Adam? It's the exact opposite. In fact the bible says we need each other and community.
Anyways, I find Corsara's comment very true..doesn't that just show the grass is greener on the other side?
I think as a first step, you need to block out all the external factors for wanting a girl. That will get you into trouble. Relationships are not a game, or a conquest, or a way to make you feel better about yourself that you are comforming to the expectations of others. I'm sure the girl will notice it too. I've had a friend who was single for a long time and 'just wanted to have a girlfriend to do boyfriend things like buy gifts and stuff.' Bad news. That's not gonna work out for ya.
I think you got it backwards, you don't need a relationship. You just wish you would find that girl that clicks with you, that makes you want to have a relationship with her. Small difference? Maybe. Pursue the person, not the status. Meet a lot of girls, but try not to do it under the pretense of gettin' it on with her, don't force flirtation. You want a girlfriend/wife, not a one night stand.
The other stuff about understanding yourself first is very true as well.
the irony is that i found myself attending salsa classes only when i was in a relationship. i'd usually go with another female friend for fun. OP, having a wing woman would also be hugely beneficial...
Get a small, cute dog. Best wingman I've ever had.
How do you get rid of it after it serves it's purpose?
Read every post I have on here, be exactly like me, get surgery to look like me and you will have many options. Now get out there and be somebody!
Actually, the dog stayed with me while the girls came and went.
There has been some interesting advice given on this topic! Most of the problems in relationships and marriages today seem to have a root cause in us not understanding the opposite sex ( I know this was a big factor in the failure of my first marriage.) As mentioned in other posts, understanding yourself is important, but no more important than understanding the opposite sex. We are like two completely different species in how we think about things.
To foster greater understanding (which will lead to better relationships), I recommend two books:
Both are very short (about 100 pages) and you will be totally amazed at the difference in thought processes that are revealed in these books. My guess is that you won't believe what you are reading...a good cure for this attitude is to read the book meant for the opposite sex - you will discover that what the author has written is right on target. Once you understand these things, you will be on a great path to living a wonderful lifelong commitment in a marriage.
To foster greater understanding (which will lead to better relationships), I recommend two books:
- Men should read - For Men Only http://www.amazon.ca/Men-Only-Revised-Updated-Straightforward/dp/1601424450/
- Women should read - For Women Only http://www.amazon.ca/Women-Only-Revised-Updated-About/dp/1601424442/
Both are very short (about 100 pages) and you will be totally amazed at the difference in thought processes that are revealed in these books. My guess is that you won't believe what you are reading...a good cure for this attitude is to read the book meant for the opposite sex - you will discover that what the author has written is right on target. Once you understand these things, you will be on a great path to living a wonderful lifelong commitment in a marriage.
Last edited:
rbjeepthing
Well-known member
You don't have to give up those things if you find the right women...
As for the OP change you're outlook on yourself and drop the 'oh pity me" attitude and they will come. Some of my best relationships started when I had given up looking and started just enjoying my life. That's how I met my wife. She even eventually told me that's what attracted her to me. The fact I didn't care what anyone thought and always seemed to be enjoying myself when she saw me out doing things.
Sounds like you have done a lot though: completed school, launched in a career. I have two suggestions:
1. Read Maslow - hierarchy of needs. This will give you an understanding of what makes us tick.
2. Outward Bound School - I worked there one summer, years ago, as a maintenance coordinator and I watched as hundreds of young adults (and some very old adults) came in feeling lost and left with new-found confidence and with new friends. The wilderness course is a great way to clear your head.
You should perhaps consider doing some volunteer work too. Your church affiliation suggests you are oriented towards service to others. Perhaps volunteering to help others in need would help you to meet people.
Above all, though, be confident. We are all hard-wired to detect someone in need. Sadly, in these stressful times, many are more inclined to turn away from others in need. Confidence attracts.
toshison
Well-known member
Options ?... like murdering you and claiming your identity?
Ashley Madison...hunt up a few of your friends wives that are posting on there and bang the hell out of them.
Not perfect, but will make their apathy bearable.
Plus when you catch them in church in their finest, purest, Sunday finest it will be a huge turn on.
Not perfect, but will make their apathy bearable.
Plus when you catch them in church in their finest, purest, Sunday finest it will be a huge turn on.
I never had issues picking up girls or anything like that. Going to the gym being fit and confident helps I guess in a way.
Try this book "The Game", it will give you good tips. I read it for the hell of it and still learned some.
Good on you on admiting stuff. We are here to help.
Try this book "The Game", it will give you good tips. I read it for the hell of it and still learned some.
Good on you on admiting stuff. We are here to help.
You seem very quick to point out all the negatives (and even downplayed your previous relationships by saying they wanted you for your car). Women can smell negativity a mile away and no one wants to be around that. As cliche and cheesy as it sounds, "You gotta love yourself before someone else can consider lovin you".
My advice to you is to do the following: DO NOT TRY TO DATE! Your mindset is not in a good place, either the people you date will sense that (further killing your confidence) or you will end up dating the wrong people (negative sad people).
Take a year (2 max) to get out there and become the person you want to be. A person you are happy about. Think of it this way, if you imagine a really cool guy who walks into a room and all the girls swoon, what would this guy look like? how would he dress? how would he behave? what stories would he tell?
Figure out how you can become closer to this person. That's the version of you that will make you happy with yourself. Once you are happy with you, your confidence will automatically improve, you will be happier and these things will project. Your facial expressions will change, your body language will change.
Once you get there, things with women will suddenly be a lot easier. You can't be a catch unless you feel like a catch. Work on yourself first, the rest will come...
Good luck buddy!
My advice to you is to do the following: DO NOT TRY TO DATE! Your mindset is not in a good place, either the people you date will sense that (further killing your confidence) or you will end up dating the wrong people (negative sad people).
Take a year (2 max) to get out there and become the person you want to be. A person you are happy about. Think of it this way, if you imagine a really cool guy who walks into a room and all the girls swoon, what would this guy look like? how would he dress? how would he behave? what stories would he tell?
Figure out how you can become closer to this person. That's the version of you that will make you happy with yourself. Once you are happy with you, your confidence will automatically improve, you will be happier and these things will project. Your facial expressions will change, your body language will change.
Once you get there, things with women will suddenly be a lot easier. You can't be a catch unless you feel like a catch. Work on yourself first, the rest will come...
Good luck buddy!
|
|
|
|
|