The single rant.

Jinster81

Jinster81

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Hey all. Since this is the most non-judgmental forum that I know. Let me get something off my chest.
First I will admit the obvious ( from the title ) : I am single.

I had relationships when I was in my 20s ( Driving a late model car helped ) But now I am 32.

Got no car ( do have a 84 Interceptor though )
Got no six pack ( no beer belly either )
Got no money ( but have zero debt and a good credit rating )
Thought I need to get this out well.

My friends who are of the similar age are all married with kid(s). Feel like losing connections, my friends just don't have the time
they used to for me anymore.

Being a Church going Asian ( Ultra conservative people ) I am expected to have the following by my age.

1. Married.
2. Have at least one kid.
3. Drive a car of no less than 5 years old and no less than 30K ( when it was new ) value.
4. Have ( or pay mortgage ) on a house or a condo.
5. Have a job that can support all the above.

Other than the last one, don't have none of the above. Guess how they treat me? Apathy and lots of it.
I am not part of the club. Fine.

But now, I really am feeling the the effect of going solo, and want to start ( yea I'm desperate ) a relationship.
I thought I can go solo for a long time, but no. No one can ( or should ) go solo for life.
I know all the negatives that a relationships bring, all relationships have bad moments.
But now I know I can't go it alone.

I tried to get into one. But for a 32 year old Asian ( male ) options aren't many.
Friends tried to help ( hook ups ) but no success ( duh ).

So, I need to grow a pair and start looking.
But my question to all you Casablancas, where do I start?

Any help (!) or advice would mean gold to me.
Thanks in advance.

PS: no offense to Asians ( one myself )
 
Jinster81 said:
Got no car ( do have a 84 Interceptor though )

Got no money ( but have zero debt and a good credit rating )

1. Married.
2. Have at least one kid.
3. Drive a car of no less than 5 years old and no less than 30K ( when it was new ) value.
4. Have ( or pay mortgage ) on a house or a condo.
5. Have a job that can support all the above.

Other than the last one, don't have none of the above.
Click to expand...


makes no sense. you have the lastg one, which is a job that can support all of the above, yet you still have no house, or condo, or car, or wife or kids

So where is all the coin ?

wicked drug habit ? maybe a gambler ? the money is going somewhere,

maybe thats why you dont have a GF.
becasue you a drug addicted gambler !
 
Before the trolls get here, check out eHarmony or Match.com and just go on dates. You'll get back into the swing of things and find your own way. (Caveat I'm 21, but my uncle went through a very similar thing. Ultra conservative Irish catholic, 35, unmarried, rent-controlled place, good job etc.)
 
Casablancas?
Casanovas?
 
omnivore said:
Casablancas?
Casanovas?
Click to expand...
Maybe he's writing from the past, in North Africa..

In all seriousness though, is all your time spent at work? Are your extracurriculars in a male dominant atmosphere?
 
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pick up some co-ed friendly activities...volley ball, dragon boat, rock climbing, salsa dancing etc. you'll meet a lot of people that way, and if you're not a d0uche/creepy, something's bound to happen.

Jinster81 said:
Hey all. Since this is the most non-judgmental forum that I know. Let me get something off my chest.
First I will admit the obvious ( from the title ) : I am single.

I had relationships when I was in my 20s ( Driving a late model car helped ) But now I am 32.

Got no car ( do have a 84 Interceptor though )
Got no six pack ( no beer belly either )
Got no money ( but have zero debt and a good credit rating )
Thought I need to get this out well.

My friends who are of the similar age are all married with kid(s). Feel like losing connections, my friends just don't have the time
they used to for me anymore.

Being a Church going Asian ( Ultra conservative people ) I am expected to have the following by my age.

1. Married.
2. Have at least one kid.
3. Drive a car of no less than 5 years old and no less than 30K ( when it was new ) value.
4. Have ( or pay mortgage ) on a house or a condo.
5. Have a job that can support all the above.

Other than the last one, don't have none of the above. Guess how they treat me? Apathy and lots of it.
I am not part of the club. Fine.

But now, I really am feeling the the effect of going solo, and want to start ( yea I'm desperate ) a relationship.
I thought I can go solo for a long time, but no. No one can ( or should ) go solo for life.
I know all the negatives that a relationships bring, all relationships have bad moments.
But now I know I can't go it alone.

I tried to get into one. But for a 32 year old Asian ( male ) options aren't many.
Friends tried to help ( hook ups ) but no success ( duh ).

So, I need to grow a pair and start looking.
But my question to all you Casablancas, where do I start?

Any help (!) or advice would mean gold to me.
Thanks in advance.

PS: no offense to Asians ( one myself )
Click to expand...
 
Hey Jinster!

If you are a Christian, I would highly recommend Christian Cafe as an online dating website. I met my wife there! Just pray about it and leave it in God's hands...all will happen in His time. Don't get caught up in the chains (and prison) of what you think others might expect from you. God has a plan for each of us that just might be crazy and wildly different from what you feel might be expected to fit in with the norm of your "ultra conservative" church.

Blessings to you, brother!
Ike

PS: You might want to consider where (which church) God wants you to be... ultra conservative churches are not my thing.... maybe they aren't your's either? Step out in faith an see where God leads. Send me a PM - lets chat some more.
 
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Dude, you're breaking my heart :( Not because of your situation, but because of how you feel about it.

I don't know if it will make you feel any better, but for what it's worth I'm almost in the opposite end---I married young (at 24), have two kids, mortgage, etc, however almost all of my old friends my age (33) are single, living their live---trips to other countries, nights out, parties or whatever rocks their boat. They call me less and less, because every time they do, I can't go.. I'm not Asian, so I don't know your culture and the people around you, but what I would do if I were you is to travel, go to the weirdest and most unusual places around the world, do something you never dared to, make a bucket list and work on it. Sooner or later you'll find your other half, everybody does, most often in the most unexpected and unusual places. But what's the rush, really.. you're a guy, you've got a job and no ties for mortgage, no expensive car...so you can take a vacation, vacations, unpaid if it may be...enjoy your freedom, because once you settle down, you'll have responsibility, a BIG one. And before you know it, you'll be a grumpy old man preaching to your kids about things you didn't care yourself when you were younger, and you turned out just fine.
 
You will fail at all of those suggestions. Why? Because you just admitted to failing with what you are doing and have done.
Based on what you wrote you lack communication skills or rather the ability to 1. understand yourself as a male and 2. how to communicate/navigate with women.

Until you understand who you are and can present a framework of yourself and what you like then you will get past step 1.
Women are attracted to the following:
1. confidence
2. humor
3. brains
4. style/swag
5. mystery

You have to define the type of women that:
1. you are attracted to
2. the type of women that are attracted to you

Women are programmed by nature just as men are so until you know how to appeal to those factors then you will always fail.
Also, please don't talk about what you do for a living on your first date, women find it boring.
Say the 1 wrong thing to a woman and whamo you just sunk your battleship unless you have the skills to bail and sail at the same time.

As I stated, until you understand who you are then you will not get to step 2 or if you do it will crumble and back to step 1 you go.
I suggest that you stop focusing on women right now because you already mentioned that you are desperate, guess what, women can smell it and will avoid you like the plague which will result in your confidence going lower.

In bike terms, before you hit the track to race and win, you better bring a competitive bike and know how it works as well as some above average ability to ride it.
Otherwise you would have lost race before it even started.
 
Hmm...
I thought if you had God, you'd never be alone!? :)

But yeah - one word: travel. And go now. Doesnt matter where for now. Just go. And keep going and I guarantee you, you will fall in love not only with someone else other than God but life itself. You will meet your other half out there on the road.
 
When you get a girl, a house and some kids you'll be posting and complaining about how you've had it made when you were single...
 
Ok, deep breath. Relax. Sounds like your social group is a bunch of judgmental people that think a little too highly of themselves and look a little too far down at others that don't achieve the criteria outlined.

Peace is within. Don't get caught up in the flock. Don't let the flock use the good book's words to manipulate their own agenda.

Go to church, reflect on the message(s) that resonate with you. Don't go looking for love. It will come up and biatch slap you in the face when you least expect it.

PS, I did whole marriage, kids, house thing and it's not all what it's cracked up to be. Let love and a partner come to you. Then both of you can decide on what you want together. Kids, car(s) house, etc.
 
I got married at 30 and am super happy.

However, if I could do it all over again, I would have waited til 40.

Being single was great! travelling, freedom, cash, cars, not being tied down, come and go, no responsibilities....etc.
 
You don't have a woman because you sound like a whiner. Be confident and don't listen to your church.
 
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