Emotional and mental health aspects of aging

[PrivatePilot]

Hate to have to say it, as it shouldn’t be a thing since it discourages those who may need help from seeking it, or punishing them for having done so, but if you have a job, or a licence, or a professional affiliation, or any number of other things that may in some strange, convoluted, or even bizarre way could be effected or questioned by any willingness or action to seek out this sort of treatment….tread carefully.

Because unfortunately, things can get messy in some circumstances.

Like I said, it’s unfortunate. But it’s a reality.

Hope all is well.

 

[mimico_polak]

Hate to have to say it, as it shouldn’t be a thing since it discourages those who may need help from seeking it, or punishing them for having done so, but if you have a job, or a licence, or a professional affiliation, or any number of other things that may in some strange, convoluted, or even bizarre way could be effected or questioned by any willingness or action to seek out this sort of treatment….tread carefully.

Because unfortunately, things can get messy in some circumstances.

Like I said, it’s unfortunate. But it’s a reality.

Hope all is well.

Interesting take, I never thought of that aspect in all honesty. I'm all good, but sometimes there's some stress and frankly a mental health care checkup seems like it could be something to consider...

While I never believe the 'you're anonymous when you do this' bullcrap...that is a very good point PP.

 

[nobbie48]

I didn't want to convolute my other thread with this...

But what's the opinion / recommendation for a mental health check? I just checked my benefits and turns out I've got about $1200-1500 in psychiatrist / psychologist visits that I have never used in my life before.

Not saying I'm on the edge, but with a lot going on sometimes it's overwhelming and I've never used this benefit...although I feel like I should.

Anyone have some insight on this? It could be a sign of getting older...or utilizing the benefit as more of a 'preventative' maintenance type of thing to ensure we keep sharp as we age.

You get your cars checked out, tuned up regularly so why not your brain? I think a conversation with a thought provoker is good start, don't confuse them with shyte disturbers.

I don't know a starting point but would one need an area of concern to get the ball rolling?

One warning is about therapists that are not doctors from recognised universities. Degree mills turn them out in droves.

 

[nobbie48]

Hate to have to say it, as it shouldn’t be a thing since it discourages those who may need help from seeking it, or punishing them for having done so, but if you have a job, or a licence, or a professional affiliation, or any number of other things that may in some strange, convoluted, or even bizarre way could be effected or questioned by any willingness or action to seek out this sort of treatment….tread carefully.

Because unfortunately, things can get messy in some circumstances.

Like I said, it’s unfortunate. But it’s a reality.

Hope all is well.

There is still a stygma with many when it comes to brain functions and while what is said between the patient and doctor is privelged, the fact that there was a visit isn't. Can you have a phobia about visiting a shrink?

 

[Wind Shear]

I didn't want to convolute my other thread with this...

But what's the opinion / recommendation for a mental health check? I just checked my benefits and turns out I've got about $1200-1500 in psychiatrist / psychologist visits that I have never used in my life before.

Not saying I'm on the edge, but with a lot going on sometimes it's overwhelming and I've never used this benefit...although I feel like I should.

Anyone have some insight on this? It could be a sign of getting older...or utilizing the benefit as more of a 'preventative' maintenance type of thing to ensure we keep sharp as we age.

This comes up all the time in my work.
You have coverage/EAP, no harm/cost in at least giving it a try. Maybe it will help, but maybe it won’t either. It’s ok if it doesn’t help, it’s not a marriage you’re stuck with. I find that advice helps a lot of people get past the first hurdle (pride, shame) and give it a try.

For myself, some rough times had me trying. Didn’t really help. Most of the “professional” guidance I got was advice to setup and lean on my “support structure”… friends, family, etc.
The pharmacological sleeping help my Dr prescribed seemed to help, however

 

[Wind Shear]

Hate to have to say it, as it shouldn’t be a thing since it discourages those who may need help from seeking it, or punishing them for having done so, but if you have a job, or a licence, or a professional affiliation, or any number of other things that may in some strange, convoluted, or even bizarre way could be effected or questioned by any willingness or action to seek out this sort of treatment….tread carefully.

Because unfortunately, things can get messy in some circumstances.

Like I said, it’s unfortunate. But it’s a reality.

Hope all is well.

I won’t say never, I know it happens. But I wouldn’t be as concerned as I would with the flip side.
Say you’re really falling apart and it’s starting to show in work. Staying stoic and not disclosing what you’re dealing with may just look like you’re not performing. Organizations like (or used to) being unaware for plausible deniability in any legal case.

However, there’s been recent case precedence for that no longer being a good defence. You know about the “duty to accommodate”… there is now a “duty to inquire” if the signs are there. At the very least, if your mental health is impacting your work, you can expect some questions coming your way (or that to be brought up in any wrongful dismissal case)

 

[timtune]

Not saying I'm on the edge, but with a lot going on sometimes it's overwhelming and I've never used this benefit...although I feel like I should.

If you feel like you should. Maybe you should. No shame in it.

 

[Mad Mike]

I didn't want to convolute my other thread with this...

But what's the opinion / recommendation for a mental health check? I just checked my benefits and turns out I've got about $1200-1500 in psychiatrist / psychologist visits that I have never used in my life before.

Not saying I'm on the edge, but with a lot going on sometimes it's overwhelming and I've never used this benefit...although I feel like I should.

Anyone have some insight on this? It could be a sign of getting older...or utilizing the benefit as more of a 'preventative' maintenance type of thing to ensure we keep sharp as we age.

A mental health check is quite easy, here’s how I do it.

I sit across the table form my wife and ask her if I’m crazy. I get my answer then hand over $150 for the session.

 

[PrivatePilot]

I won’t say never, I know it happens. But I wouldn’t be as concerned as I would with the flip side.

It's a double edged sword.

There are people out there who rely on medical fitness for their employment who have lost their jobs as a result of seeking help for something as minor as a bout of seasonal affective disorder, aka the "Winter blah's".

One thing that'll potentially send a person completely off the deep end from a mental health perspective, having cascaded from something much more minor? Losing their livlihood as a result of a doctor, medical system, HR department, or boss that overreacts, assumes the worst, they lose their job, and then their entire life starts to collapse around them because they can't pay their bills, their mortgage...put food on the table....

Hate to say it, but it's a real issue. There is sitll a huge stigma and far too many overreactions to small things that are blown out of proportion.

This reality causes a lot of people who rely on medicals (as I mentioned) to simply lie, or go untreated. Not only mental health, but physical health as well. There are a lot of people in my trade for example who should rightfully be using CPAP's to get proper sleep for one example, but having been down that road now, even seeking help for bad sleep is a huge risk - now all my machines (both my home, and portable) are hooked up to my doctors office, reporting back to them every single night how long I slept, how well I slept, when I didn't use the machine, etc etc etc. One misstep with this and I could lose my drivers medical, and boom, my livelihood and career of the last ~30 years goes out the window, and because I wouldn't be considered fully disabled I'd probably not be eligible for any supports (beyond a few months of short term disability before that expires) and would have to start all over again.

In short, there's huge incentives in many jobs to "keep it to yourself", or just outright lie.

 

[nobbie48]

It's a double edged sword.

There are people out there who rely on medical fitness for their employment who have lost their jobs as a result of seeking help for something as minor as a bout of seasonal affective disorder, aka the "Winter blah's".

One thing that'll potentially send a person completely off the deep end from a mental health perspective, having cascaded from something much more minor? Losing their livlihood as a result of a doctor, medical system, HR department, or boss that overreacts, assumes the worst, they lose their job, and then their entire life starts to collapse around them because they can't pay their bills, their mortgage...put food on the table....

Hate to say it, but it's a real issue. There is sitll a huge stigma and far too many overreactions to small things that are blown out of proportion.

This reality causes a lot of people who rely on medicals (as I mentioned) to simply lie, or go untreated. Not only mental health, but physical health as well. There are a lot of people in my trade for example who should rightfully be using CPAP's to get proper sleep for one example, but having been down that road now, even seeking help for bad sleep is a huge risk - now all my machines (both my home, and portable) are hooked up to my doctors office, reporting back to them every single night how long I slept, how well I slept, when I didn't use the machine, etc etc etc. One misstep with this and I could lose my drivers medical, and boom, my livelihood and career of the last ~30 years goes out the window, and because I wouldn't be considered fully disabled I'd probably not be eligible for any supports (beyond a few months of short term disability before that expires) and would have to start all over again.

In short, there's huge incentives in many jobs to "keep it to yourself", or just outright lie.

A commercial pilot I knew said if he was called to take on a flight he didn't want he was reluctant to say he didn't feel well. They might counter with suggesting his medical be reviewed.

Instead he would say "Sorry I just had a beer." For pilots, eight hours bottle to throttle and zero BAC.

Could you go to a shrink because you thought your boss was loco and you needed a second opinion.

Seriously though, I can see a manager being concerned if too many of his workers felt stresses and sought help. It could define a toxic workplace and undermine his growth potential.

 

[Jenerator]

I have a friend, shes gotta be 70+, shes freakin amazing, her vibes/energy are better than most girls in their 20s that I know (or have dated) and out of all the old ladies in my social circle, shes the only "normal" one...(the rest are some combination of insane psycho or jaded and bitter)

(shes also got the looks of a duchess)

I asked her how that is, her only reply was she never stopped working? And she kept a good work hard/play hard balance.

How does one not become bitter and jaded as they get old? And not lose that zest for life? Keep that inner child alive?
Maybe GTAM isnt the right place to seek answers for such questions...
I feel like getting old is as much (if not more) about the mental/emotional outlook and perspective of the individual as it is about the physical...

I told her straight up, if she was anywhere close to my age... (to which she burst out laughing )

I can offer this from the women's side of aging...

We've all heard of hormones going wild during puberty, pregnancy, and whatever else, but perimenopause and menopause seem to be (have been?) a taboo subject. So much so, that even women haven't discussed it until now. My mother and older sister never said boo to me about it. Doctors seem to act like you're making it up and don't want to give you the things that would provide some relief (usually HRT, since waning/lack of estrogen is a major factor).

Symptoms of perimenopause can range from downright horrendous and debilitating to mild or non-existent. Imagine getting periods that are all over the map in frequency, length, and, er, volume, and seeing them stop for 8 months just to start up again. (Official menopause begins one full year after your last period.) This rollercoaster of a nightmare can take up to 10 years to complete.

Then, society in general discards you like you're no longer useful for anything other than perhaps a babysitter or a housekeeper. I've been very lucky so far, as I haven't had to deal with severe symptoms (yet?), though I've only just turned 50.

Anyone who has someone in their circle who is going through this would benefit by reading up on it (this is a fantastic post about it) and finding some patience and compassion for older women who are struggling, confused, and maybe a little ****** off with her predicament. Some men are mature enough to support women through this stage and some are not. As always, communication is key, but education is so important, too.

 

[crankcall]

I’ve been dealing with menopause, not me silly, the wife , for about a decade . It’s beyond nutty . Hot, cold, grumpy . Can’t wear sweaters , need a sweater. Angry at anything with the color green. Lucky enough her GP is female so good support .
@mimico , my bedside theory on you ( no homo) , you take on a lot and are always looking for more , I used to be you . It’s a marathon not a sprint , take some time , stuff will all get done eventually. There will always be that cousin or friend that has more cash flow and goes all in baller. Let them go , it catches up . And ask for help if you suspect you need it . Don’t ask your wife or a beer buddy , ask an actual doctor . If you have an occupation where the discussion leads to “ are you a danger to yourself or others ?” So be it , you can replace any job , if you’re physical or mental health says you should not be doing that job , that’s ok do something else . There is no civilian job worth dying for .


Sent from my iPhone using GTAMotorcycle.com

 

[mimico_polak]

I’ve been dealing with menopause, not me silly, the wife , for about a decade . It’s beyond nutty . Hot, cold, grumpy . Can’t wear sweaters , need a sweater. Angry at anything with the color green. Lucky enough her GP is female so good support .
@mimico , my bedside theory on you ( no homo) , you take on a lot and are always looking for more , I used to be you . It’s a marathon not a sprint , take some time , stuff will all get done eventually. There will always be that cousin or friend that has more cash flow and goes all in baller. Let them go , it catches up . And ask for help if you suspect you need it . Don’t ask your wife or a beer buddy , ask an actual doctor . If you have an occupation where the discussion leads to “ are you a danger to yourself or others ?” So be it , you can replace any job , if you’re physical or mental health says you should not be doing that job , that’s ok do something else . There is no civilian job worth dying for .


Sent from my iPhone using GTAMotorcycle.com

Thanks. It’s very possible you are correct…

I want to do it all and NOW. The car, kids, make sure I can provide a trip and all the things they deserve.

Hell even the switch from replacing my car to try and get my wife a newer car instead of thinking of myself.

Never ends. Or at least my mind never stops thinking or trying to figure out how to make their lives better.

It does get exhausting! But it’s all self induced.

 

[MacDoc]

chill bro ....

 

[nobbie48]

Thanks. It’s very possible you are correct…

I want to do it all and NOW. The car, kids, make sure I can provide a trip and all the things they deserve.

Hell even the switch from replacing my car to try and get my wife a newer car instead of thinking of myself.

Never ends. Or at least my mind never stops thinking or trying to figure out how to make their lives better.

It does get exhausting! But it’s all self induced.

By giving your kids everything now they may expect it to continue when the funding of life's perks is on their dime.

At what age do kids understand basic math, that you can't have it all.

 

[Scuba Steve]

By giving your kids everything now they may expect it to continue when the funding of life's perks is on their dime.

At what age do kids understand basic math, that you can't have it all.

This aspect bothers me every day kids have way more than I ever had will they work to maintain it or expect perpetual support.

Sent from my Pixel 5 using Tapatalk

 

[Mad Mike]

Thanks. It’s very possible you are correct…

I want to do it all and NOW. The car, kids, make sure I can provide a trip and all the things they deserve.

Hell even the switch from replacing my car to try and get my wife a newer car instead of thinking of myself.

Never ends. Or at least my mind never stops thinking or trying to figure out how to make their lives better.

It does get exhausting! But it’s all self induced.

I’m not a parenting guru, but I can say I’m proud of my results.

My kids had a relatively good childhood. They all engaged in competitive athletics, did well in school.

They thanked me for the cottage, boats, hockey and dance, dirt bikes and our annual trips. They thanked me for leaving our house, pool, fridge, and basement open anytime to any of their friends.

As kids, they never thanked me for making them cut grass, clean the pool, or shovel snow. They never thanked me for making them help build fences, roof the house, or change tires over from winter to summer. They never thanked me for helping them earn $100 delivering papers when they wanted a bike or stereo for their bedroom.

But they do now.

My greatest feeling of satisfaction come from knowing I prepared them to be good adults. I sleep well knowing all 3 of them don’t need me to have a good life.

My advice is simple. Prepare your kids to be better adults than you are. Teach them how to win, how to lose, how to be responsible, self reliant, tough, and empathetic.

Don’t worry about providing them mind blowing or epic experiences, they have a lifetime for that and won’t regret doing those on their own.

 

[nobbie48]

This aspect bothers me every day kids have way more than I ever had will they work to maintain it or expect perpetual support.

Sent from my Pixel 5 using Tapatalk

I would be concerned about expectations.

Sixty years ago a tradesman could buy a house for 3-4 years salary. Forty years ago it was 6-7 years. Now it’s 12-13 years.

Housing is going to be an ongoing problem. We can’t all be dot com millionaires. A million isn’t enough anymore