OpenGambit
Banned
I think that comes from spending your twenties trying to settle and having it blow up in your face... I think I do address some of these in my post above, if that makes any sense to you.
Are men more "feminine" today?
- Thread starter IV.
- Start date
I think that comes from spending your twenties trying to settle and having it blow up in your face... I think I do address some of these in my post above, if that makes any sense to you.
Sounds kind of harsh without some context.
What do you mean by "I think that comes from spending your twenties trying to settle and having it blow up in your face"?
OpenGambit
Banned
Harsh? how so, its just a personal view.
I spent my twenties trying to make it work and almost got married twice, now I am in my thirties, I have a house and a good job and cash left over for a nice bike and I don't worry so much about settling down.
I spent my twenties trying to make it work and almost got married twice, now I am in my thirties, I have a house and a good job and cash left over for a nice bike and I don't worry so much about settling down.
rmemedic
Well-known member
My fear is the fear of being screwed over once you open your life to someone. I've given it enough tries and found enough crazy girls that I'm now like a dog that's been beaten too much. Viewing how many people get together and then split up in nasty splits, or like my dad who is an amazing guy, provided for his wife and their kids who had his wife one day wake up and just say "sorry" and walked away from the marriage... Why would I put myself in to that situation?
I'm single, have been for quite a long time. I'm not out playing the field, or sleeping around. I haven't been on a real date with a girl I actually liked for a few months. The last girl I dated was needy and that was the problem I had so yes, I'm after a girl that has her own life going for her, someone that is my "equal".
I was with someone, where I was in that slelfless type of love. I was sacrificing things to make her happy and that in turn made me happy and proud that I could do that, that I found someone that to me was worth anything in the world. I was actually going to hold back my racing for her (something I've always said I would NEVER do for a girl.) So not every dude is afraid of the commitment, we are just waiting for someone to show up that makes us feel that way, and it's rare to find someone that you enjoy to that extent.
I think you are referring to my comment. I have just seen how emasculated he felt when we witnessed a girl being beat up by her boyfriend and he had to pull me away from getting into it as he pointed out he would be the one getting his *** kicked not me. I don't think it would matter if he were capable of fighting, ie; had the confidence in his skills, but more that he didn't even feel it was an option. Since then whenever I start a fight at a club or a bar I make sure I am alone,
I have discussed this at length with some of my male friends as well, as I have sons and one of my sons was getting challenged to fight at school by an older kid regularly. Seems like knowing how to at least be able to defend yourself is still a good skill set to have even in this day and age.
Can't worry about the size of a guy! I'm not that big of a dude, but you can't back down if it needs to be done. Sure, you might get smashed, but sometimes I think taking the easy way is worse in the end, depending on the reason for the confrontation. The size of a guy, or muscles don't mean the guy can hit or move.
Wasn't there a thread about your son being picked on?
rmemedic
Well-known member
See this below:
That's where I am. 28, had enough "bad" for too little "good" and have all the good things going for myself and don't see the point in being with someone to disrupt what I have going.
Still looking of course, but I sure don't put forward the effort and enthusiasm I used to. Plus the older I get, the more and more baggage that the girls my age bring along with them (kids and broken minds from past relationships)
OpenGambit
Banned
I actually just think it might be that we actually learn...
When we were younger. I used to think... man this girl is the best girl i am gonna get and if I don't do all of this I am gonna die alone... and you do all of that stuff and it doesn't work anyway.
Then you meet someone else and the same thing happens..
After a while, I think we all learn that, we will always meet someone else... and that sense of urgency goes away. We become more choosey and our standards actually go up. Just my thoughts.
The way I see it. i am going to live my life, and if its a good life, people are going to want to share that life with me. Its as simple as that.
Actually I am 29, almost 30, I sometimes feel older than I am though.
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Yes, my previous response was meant for this post, I apologize to rmemedic.
Amen to the above.
I typed out a very long detailed post about my last 4 year relationshit, then I decided that it's not worth it, so I'll stick to the above sentence and end my post there. The point is, the good guys always get beat down, stepped on, emasculated, and treated like gutter trash then women go around asking "where did all the good guys go?" much like chivalry, women killed them.
To IV.'s point though, I "blame" pop culture, I say blame cause I can't think of another word.
So true.
- it's a conversation - it's going to flow - might be in a different direction then you expected. Are you a control freak? lol.OpenGambit
Banned
I don't agree with that, one should always be chivalrous. That is a reflection of who you are as a person and your values and you should always do that regardless of whether someone had slighted you before. To suggest that someone should treat all women less well because one didn't work out is petty, and indicative of someone who doesn't take responsiblity for his own acts.
OpenGambit
Banned
Oh I still am, I go out of my way to do things like that in my daily life. The sad thing is as my generation doesn't see anything past "what will this accomplish for me". I was mainly referring to that mentality.
I also don't plan on acting any differently in future relationships, I'm just saying that after going through hell and somehow coming out of it intact, I have no plans to try again in the near future and have no idea if I want to or am capable of trusting another person that way again.
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OpenGambit
Banned
Of course you are capable. its a relationship, not PTSD.
If you can't find it in yourself to give your next relationship 100%, its going to fail, and this time, its gonna be your fault. The only person losing out is you.
( i am not trying to be mean, just saying what I believe is true )
With respect, you weren't there and you don't know about my upbringing. Plus almost 4 months later, there's still fallout from that relationshit affecting my daily life.
That's the reason I'm not dating even though I "could" date a great girl right now. Not interested in being a clingy whiny doorknob so I'm staying single till I want to again.
I agree with this 100% and it can also be said in response to :
That's not fair to you or the other person. I think the energy you put out plays a huge role in the whole thing. If you have negative energy i.e: baggage, cant let go of the past etc., you've already shot yourself in the foot. Better to stay single and learn to let all of it go before you move forward into another relationship.
this is a motorcycle forum. all these topics have already probably been discussed in places like these ---->> http://www.relationship-forums.com/ unless you just want to complain. then carry on.
my job is done if you feel offended.
my job is done if you feel offended.
