Video games and an unrewarding life

[Mikedezo44]

Did not watch video and could never play video games for more than 45 mins to an hour when I was younger but they are BIG business.

My best friend has a 5 year old and when he was only 2-3 yrs old any time I was in the car with him the only thing that would keep the kid quiet would be to shove his iphone in the kids hands to watch youtube videos of other kids playing with toys, unboxing videos etc and I thought to myself wow this is starting very young. Now he is 5 and can't ride a bike, throw a ball, play soccer, etc. very uncoordinated. My friend has bought him about 10 different types of mini dirtbikes and quads (gas and electric) and the kid couldn't care less. Always goes back to wanting to play his video games on his ipad. My buddies dad told me his kid (my best friend) was the best skater on his hockey team at 5 years old..his kid cant skate at all. I guess he'll have great memories when he grows up of his face being glued to a screen his whole childhood. Very sad.

 

[Green Meenie]

I look back at my life and certainly can't imagine it without kids in the picture. Teaching them to be good human beings by setting the example for them as well as establishing appropriate boundaries and enforcing them. Disciplining them not because we wanted to but because we knew we needed to lest we encourage them to become problem adults. The weekends away at their sporting events and meeting other families that lived the same life. Those times were more special than we realized back then. Watching our kids making good friends while they learned that winning isn't everything but giving your best effort is! And those family vacations - oh my! Those were all so precious and I'm sure glad I have those memories to reflect on now! Kids have gone on to make a life for themselves and they're all doing very well as self sustaining adults.

Our job as parents is done now but I continue to enjoy watching them indulge in their passions and we offer advice when asked to help them through any difficulties they might face in maturing as adults. I know they'll be fine in the end because of what we shared for all those years we spent with them as they grew into adulthood.

Not saying that if you don't have kids you're doing it wrong because, honestly, I could never have imagined what having kids would be like before we had them. Just glad in retrospect that our life turned in that direction.

 

[油井緋色]

Did not watch video and could never play video games for more than 45 mins to an hour when I was younger but they are BIG business.

My best friend has a 5 year old and when he was only 2-3 yrs old any time I was in the car with him the only thing that would keep the kid quiet would be to shove his iphone in the kids hands to watch youtube videos of other kids playing with toys, unboxing videos etc and I thought to myself wow this is starting very young. Now he is 5 and can't ride a bike, throw a ball, play soccer, etc. very uncoordinated. My friend has bought him about 10 different types of mini dirtbikes and quads (gas and electric) and the kid couldn't care less. Always goes back to wanting to play his video games on his ipad. My buddies dad told me his kid (my best friend) was the best skater on his hockey team at 5 years old..his kid cant skate at all. I guess he'll have great memories when he grows up of his face being glued to a screen his whole childhood. Very sad.

I think there's too much projection with this, no offense meant.

My childhood consisted of many LAN parties. My father is heavily into computers so we always had 3-6 decent rigs with good GPUs. All of my fond childhood memories, from an observer, would be "this kid is staring at the screen." Here are the actual memories that my buddies and I remember:

Lineage 2
It took us 2 hours to get in the open beta due to everybody logging on and crashing the server. When we were finally on, it was a race to see who could level fastest. The three of us, being kids with no responsibilities, were three of the strongest on the server. Then the Chinese invaded a week or two later. They would come like a swarm of zergs, typing "rang rang PK PK" or "gan ne ma" (**** your mom), then proceed to kill everyone so they could hog the resources. Stakes for dying were very high in this game, with the person dying losing up to half a days worth of progress.

We united a few dozen of the strongest on the server and went to war. Corpses everywhere. Pure hatred and racism developing. This was our server, so lets kick the Chinese out.

We lost. The Chinese had too many, and they didn't ******* sleep lol

Final Fantasy XI
This game required you to play with 5 other players (6 in total) in order to progress back in the day. My buddies and I would often have 2-3 random players in the party. There's a place called Valkrum Dunes where all new players were initiated through. It wasn't uncommon for a bunch of new players to pull more monsters than they could chew. It was also common for a few of the surviving players to run...into other players....with a train of angry monsters. This would result in uninvolved players dying. See how this would lead to good memories? lol

I don't know what your buddies' 5 year old is doing, but the above is what a lot of gamers end up experiencing, and it is quite epic.

EDIT:
Call of Duty: Black Ops 4 Warzone
We always had 3 players but needed a team of 4. The 4th was always random.

We were one of the last 5 teams standing. One of the teammates started bitching "where the **** is that noob going?!"; the 4th random had run far away. We were pinned down in a big open field, getting shot at. I was about to call it, but then we heard a helicopter. It was the 4th random. He got the helicopter so people would shoot at it, then saved our ass, and we won the match shortly after.

We became friends with a 15 year old kid who was too afraid to talk. He's 18 now and we still chat lol

I'm obviously not the only person who experienced the above; they do make amazing memories.

 

[Mikedezo44]

Fair enough but I still think it's too much time in front of a screen for anyone under about 12 years old. If I had a kid (which I don't plan on it) they would get a maximum set time per day to game or play maybe one or two hours. Or set goals if you want to play on your ipad go score a goal in soccer tonight.

 

[tricky]

I only post when the grind gets to be so bad I wake up and immediately want to go back to sleep.

Then I remember I'm not a pussy, and I need to keep going. But holy **** some days I want to just **** off and disconnect from the world. I am sure I'm not the only person like this and many of you can relate. It's called adulting lol

Reading your posts here, your outlook on life sounds absolutely brutal

To echo GreyGhost's sentiments, learn to live in and enjoy the moment. Nothing is guaranteed, you have banked all of your happiness on a future that might not materialize. I doubt it will ever materialize if you refer to living day-to-day as a "grind." At what point do you stop "grinding?" When you don't have to work again? Do you honestly think you can handle that transition after 20 years of hating your life?

Learn to take the good with the bad, enjoy the moment even though you don't have "financial independence." Don't put happiness on the other side of success (although you have already achieved """success""" based on your post about existential crises)

 

[油井緋色]

I'm introverted.
Looking back at my early twenties...some of my fondest memories were with the gaming community I was part of.
Folks from US, Canada, South Africa, Germany and Philippines....we even shared identities at one point as we got to know each other better lol.

However time waits for no one...eventually everyone got busy with school, work and relationships/kids...it was then that I realized how much time I had wasted sitting cooped up in front of a screen.
I do play occasionally...but as of late it was only due to the pandemic during winter - I dont think I will EVER commit as much time as I did to gaming ever again.

Fun while it lasted...but it makes me wonder what heights I'd have been able to reach if I spent all that time developing myself in real life instead.

I have no regrets surprisingly with the time I spent gaming....but gaming never stopped me from succeeding irl.

At the same time, gaming definitely accelerated the existential crisis I had later; what's the point of all this? Gaming, real life, vr, meta physical....it's all the same **** (aka. in our minds.) I still somewhat struggle with this; only thing moving me forward is the loving fiancee and doggo that I don't want to let down.

 

[油井緋色]

Reading your posts here, your outlook on life sounds absolutely brutal

To echo GreyGhost's sentiments, learn to live in and enjoy the moment. Nothing is guaranteed, you have banked all of your happiness on a future that might not materialize. I doubt it will ever materialize if you refer to living day-to-day as a "grind." At what point do you stop "grinding?" When you don't have to work again? Do you honestly think you can handle that transition after 20 years of hating your life?

Learn to take the good with the bad, enjoy the moment even though you don't have "financial independence." Don't put happiness on the other side of success (although you have already achieved """success""" based on your post about existential crises)

Heh, I agree with everything you're saying. It's why I'm empathetic with those who choose to exit and not participate like those in the video posted.

Btw, I know this is 100% due to working lol. The few times my fiancee and I couldn't work (COVID, health issues, whatever), the depression instantly left lol

So it's like what everyone here kept saying: suck it up and keep going, or die trying.

EDIT: And I know a **** ton of people feel the same way. It's evident in the numerous functioning alcoholics, smokers, weed addicts, and whatever else I've met in the working world. They're coping by doing that ****. So it goes back to what Dr. K in the video hinted at: how does society promote gamers to stay addicted and not engaged with the real world?

EDITEDIT: I remember making a post on Reddit when I first entered the working world asking "How the **** did you guys do this for 10-40 years?!" The one answer that stuck to my mind, which was heavily upvoted, was along the lines of: you aren't broken in yet. That was and still is depressing af.

 

[GreyGhost]

Heh, I agree with everything you're saying. It's why I'm empathetic with those who choose to exit and not participate like those in the video posted.

Btw, I know this is 100% due to working lol. The few times my fiancee and I couldn't work (COVID, health issues, whatever), the depression instantly left lol

So it's like what everyone here kept saying: suck it up and keep going, or die trying.

The other option that is likely available to you is change your definition of FI. That may be a hard path. You've made a decent amount of money in your life. If you change your bar for financial independence from vacations every year, dwelling in major metropolitan area, motorbikes, etc to living in a cabin in the woods and enjoying nature you can cut the required pool of money by 50 to 75%.

 

[mimico_polak]

So it's like what everyone here kept saying: suck it up and keep going, or die trying.

OR…find a new path in life with respect to work that doesn’t make you depressed / angry or hateful.

Sure you’ll make less money…but overall may end up MUCH happier in life.

Like others have said, I think, a job is a job. It shouldn’t define you. And if it does, at least make sure you it doesn’t make you want to put a bullet in your own head.

 

[GreyGhost]

OR…find a new path in life with respect to work that doesn’t make you depressed / angry or hateful.

Sure you’ll make less money…but overall may end up MUCH happier in life.

Like others have said, I think, a job is a job. It shouldn’t define you. And if it does, at least make sure you it doesn’t make you want to put a bullet in your own head.

I did that. I have been offered jobs that were financially much better but happiness will go down. I am happy with my choice of path.

 

[mimico_polak]

I did that. I have been offered jobs that were financially much better but happiness will go down. I am happy with my choice of path.

Same. Took a 50% pay drop to stay home with the kids and family.

No matter how much I ***** and complain I don’t regret it deep down inside. Love being home.

Plus now with the recent raise and promotion….it’s only a 40% drop now. And hopefully it’s the better play long term.

Do I love my job? Nope
Do I enjoy it? Sure
Does it define me? Eff no
Does it pay the bills? Yup

and I’m much happier to be here than away.

 

[tricky]

Heh, I agree with everything you're saying. It's why I'm empathetic with those who choose to exit and not participate like those in the video posted.

Btw, I know this is 100% due to working lol. The few times my fiancee and I couldn't work (COVID, health issues, whatever), the depression instantly left lol

So it's like what everyone here kept saying: suck it up and keep going, or die trying.

EDIT: And I know a **** ton of people feel the same way. It's evident in the numerous functioning alcoholics, smokers, weed addicts, and whatever else I've met in the working world. They're coping by doing that ****. So it goes back to what Dr. K in the video hinted at: how does society promote gamers to stay addicted and not engaged with the real world?

I think you are creating a false dichotomy by saying your options are "suck it up and keep going, or die trying."

You seem open to asking yourself bigger questions, so keep going. What is "success" to you? Your comments about success, to me, seem to be all about finances. Do mental health and happiness factor in to your definition? You are clearly unhappy with your current lot. You say its 100% your work. What does that say about how successful you are?

mimico_polak and GreyGhost beat me to this point, while I was typing this post

I will close out by saying, evaluate where you are and where you are going, and why you are going that way. Existential dread will always be there if you look for it. There are a lot of questions unanswered about our reality, the nature of space and time, why we are on a rock hurling through the vast emptiness of space. You don't have to be anxious about that. These questions are interesting and important, but how you view and relate to them may change as you re-evaluate your current trajectory and goals (and what you define as "success")

 

[油井緋色]

OR…find a new path in life with respect to work that doesn’t make you depressed / angry or hateful.

Sure you’ll make less money…but overall may end up MUCH happier in life.

Like others have said, I think, a job is a job. It shouldn’t define you. And if it does, at least make sure you it doesn’t make you want to put a bullet in your own head.

My fiancée and I sat down a few years ago to talk about this. We both decided to just deal with it. We're talking a 75% loss in income. Also, tbh, I haven't had a job where I didn't occasionally think about roping myself. School never did this, go figure lol

I think you are creating a false dichotomy by saying your options are "suck it up and keep going, or die trying."

You seem open to asking yourself bigger questions, so keep going. What is "success" to you?

"Suck it up and keep going or die trying" are actually from the last generation. You know the workers who are sitting with an empty bottle, after working a 60 hour week, then go brag about it but they're so fat they can barely stand up? Those guys. Their mantra worked for me most of my life until the real grind started.

Success, from an external perspective, just means "be better than average." Primary metrics for this are monetary, fitness, and contributions to the world.

From an internal perspective....I have not hit it. To me it is the free time to do whatever the **** I want, when I want. I don't care to monetize anything; I simply enjoy the freedom of learning, creating, and doing new things. Sometimes people benefit from it, other times it's garbage. But that's not how this world operates: we need to repeatedly, over a long period of time, do the same **** over and over again to make an impact, so I've adjusted for now.

Do mental health and happiness factor in to your definition? You are clearly unhappy with your current lot. You say its 100% your work. What does that say about how successful you are?

What is happiness and what creates happiness? I believe the amount of happiness is relative to the amount of despair one feels prior to the happiness. For example, a student who thinks they will fail but gives their absolute all then comes out with a A will feel far more happiness than someone who has repeatedly gotten As.

While I may not be happy now, I am banking on happiness in the future. After all, we all sacrifice things now for the future; it's literally how society works.

 

[tricky]

You have constructed a world view that necessitates despair to achieve happiness. I disagree wholeheartedly with this. While the natural ups and downs of life sometimes help us to be grateful, I do not think the despair is a necessary component to it

 

[油井緋色]

You have constructed a world view that necessitates despair to achieve happiness. I disagree wholeheartedly with this. While the natural ups and downs of life sometimes help us to be grateful, I do not think the despair is a necessary component to it

What is happiness and how do you achieve it? And can happiness exist without despair/sadness?

 

[GreyGhost]

And can happiness exist without despair/sadness?

I would say yes, but it is all degrees. Without absolute despair, can absolute happiness exist?

How many people have experienced both? I would hazard a guess that there are more that experienced happiness before despair than vise-versa.

If you trim the peaks and valleys off, you can still have happiness and sadness without being bi-polar. Maybe not absolute happiness but not killing yourself either. Wobbling around the mean to keep life interesting. If we stay at the same level, we get bored of it and normally crave change.

 

[tricky]

What is happiness and how do you achieve it? And can happiness exist without despair/sadness?

To me, I think feeling at peace is a large component of it. And gratitude.

EDITEDIT: I remember making a post on Reddit when I first entered the working world asking "How the **** did you guys do this for 10-40 years?!" The one answer that stuck to my mind, which was heavily upvoted, was along the lines of: you aren't broken in yet. That was and still is depressing af.

This is indeed very depressing. But to me (an outside observer who could be entirely wrong), you are heading in the same direction. You are willing to suffer many years of despair to potentially get a payout of happiness at the end. I do not think you've thought through how that transition would happen, or what kind of person you would be when it comes time to make that transition.

The sentiment in this quote below, I imagine, is what a lot of people hitch their wagon to. I have not seen it pay out to anyone I know who's retired. They all either found another job, because they only have one speed, or they are still working because the system is not set up for people to achieve "financial independence."

To me it is the free time to do whatever the **** I want, when I want. I don't care to monetize anything; I simply enjoy the freedom of learning, creating, and doing new things. Sometimes people benefit from it, other times it's garbage. But that's not how this world operates: we need to repeatedly, over a long period of time, do the same **** over and over again to make an impact, so I've adjusted for now.

...

While I may not be happy now, I am banking on happiness in the future. After all, we all sacrifice things now for the future; it's literally how society works.

The saying "one in the hand is worth two in the bush" comes to mind. I will take some measure of peace and gratitude today, over a vague and distant concept of financial independence (or whatever) down the line

 

[油井緋色]

I would say yes, but it is all degrees. Without absolute despair, can absolute happiness exist?

How many people have experienced both? I would hazard a guess that there are more that experienced happiness before despair than vise-versa.

If you trim the peaks and valleys off, you can still have happiness and sadness without being bi-polar. Maybe not absolute happiness but not killing yourself either. Wobbling around the mean to keep life interesting. If we stay at the same level, we get bored of it and normally crave change.

I think the people who are truly happy are actually the most despaired ones because the bar is so low. Like if you give anything to around half of the world's population, they would be immensely happy. They don't have access to water or safety. Rape is common, etc. etc. Half of the world doesn't even have the first lvl of Maslow's Hierarchy. However, because they don't know any better, their normal is what we'd perceive as hell and despairful.

The types of folk above tend to be easily grateful. Then you have idiots like myself in the West that should be grateful for everything we have, but am stuck trying to hit Maslow's final layer, and everything goes to **** lol. I'd argue NEETs, gaming addicts, losers, whatever you want to call them are somewhere between the last two levels as well.

This is indeed very depressing. But to me (an outside observer who could be entirely wrong), you are heading in the same direction. You are willing to suffer many years of despair to potentially get a payout of happiness at the end. I do not think you've thought through how that transition would happen, or what kind of person you would be when it comes time to make that transition.

Funny that you bring this up...

Final Fantasy XIV: Shadow Bringers' main villain spent his entire life, which was thousands of years, trying to unite worlds together which would result in the destruction of all living beings on said worlds. When asked why, he realized he forgot but remembers a vow to keep pushing.

Gotta wonder if the guy who wrote the story is hinting at what you are hinting at; I did think about this when I hit that point in the story lol

 

[shanekingsley]

What is happiness and how do you achieve it? And can happiness exist without despair/sadness?

My Dad wrote a book called "The Way To Inner Peace". It's a profoundly deep and life changing book, which essentially takes the core fundamentals of Buddhism and marries it with modern science to help readers find happiness and peace while reducing despair and sadness. I proof read it and edited it for him in my 20's. It's not a religious book by any means, because he considered himself a free thinker and not a Buddhist, but the book uses the principles of Buddhism to illustrate a variety of things.

He self published it and donated thousands of copies to prisons across North America through the Prison Library Networks. I have a large scrap book of the many letters he received from inmates of all walks of life with their sentiments on how the book helped them find inner peace despite their past or present circumstances. I have also a bunch of friends who have read it as it helped them get through very difficult times in their lives, from loss of family members to depression and sadness.

I have hundreds of copies of this book which I give away to anyone that wants a copy. If it sounds like something you might be interested in, PM me and I'll give you a copy. If you take it and it's not your cup of tea, I only ask that you find someone else to give it to that may benefit from it.

 

[mimico_polak]

Could it be that you're chasing something to show others that you've 'made it'? And you'll never really be happy because someone else has it better.

My family members came back from Europe last night and I picked them up at the airport. Literally the second topic was how 'rich' everyone in Poland is. New houses, cars, etc etc etc and how they're 'living life, unlike us poor saps here'. Mind you, our entire family (10 sisters and brothers on one side) are successful in their own right. Literally no one is down and out, except the uncle that killed someone accidentally. But he's the black sheep and I'm happy to say the court case was thrown out as he wasn't guilty and there was no actual case due to so many witnesses that indicated he didn't do it.

Take a step back, this is coming from a family that makes 150-170/year combined. Has a rental property, a house, and everything they want. But...it is NEVER enough. It will never be enough.

Why? Because...
- that guy has an MB
- that guy has a detached house, and we have a semi-detached
- that guy has a cottage
- that guy has a something
- that guy has another

It's sad that their whole life is just chasing others. Not happy with what one has, but always chasing. How can you be happy? There's always someone that has more. The fun thing is they never look at who has less....

Back to our previous discussions...I don't know you outside of GTAM posts, and I really hope you find your peace and works for you. Because I've seen multiple people posting / stating similar to what you have...and unfortunately a few of them had ended their own life because they were done.

EDIT: @shanekingsley I would love to read that book.