My guess would be you didn't call the cops because you were too busy changing your adult diaper.
Hey Bro, can you like, do me a solid and give the computer back to your mom? I wanna axe her if she'll send me a pic of her on the Harley. Normally I wouldn't bother to turn my head if she was on one of those there Yameehaws, but I'm guessing she looks pretty hot on a bike with the HD logo...