So...just an update for any of you interested, I'm very close to a solution. Part of that solution was understanding the problem.
For the past half decade I focused on becoming more rational due to the perception that my parents lacked rationality. What I didn't know at the time is that everything in the world works as a balance; if one truly understands something, something will die to give rise to that understanding.
Take, for example, Pokemon Blue. I remember growing up and being amazed at how a tiny cartridge, which is now larger than our USBs sticks by 4x or so, could house a different world. A world full of 151 magical creatures where I could become the best Pokemon trainer once I defeated the Elite Four. I felt fully immersed in this world to the point where the real world did not matter.
I was able to rationalize the above by understanding software development 20~ years later. This resulted in the slow, painful death of my immersion in video games as I now understood how everything was created. Rather than looking at the surface value of, say, a bullet firing from a gun, I'll start analyzing the hit detection method.
Something similar happened with me and riding. I'm a far better rider than I was 4 years ago. I understand how to get faster, read books on techniques and maintenance, keep asking the racers questions, and at one point even dissected my own emotional blockage post crash. The result? Riding is not fun anymore.
So the two biggest activities in my life went from giving me joy to becoming dull. There were, however, two more that were not affected: singing and cello playing. I never attempted to break either of those down with rationality because rationality only goes so far in art. Everyone's taste in art is subjective and my objective was to take moments in my life where I felt sad or really angry and project that through music. If I do a good job, a few people will cry. If I don't, people lose their attention or I cringe at my own **** ups. But these **** ups and successes are not defined rationally, they are defined by feeling!
Feelings and emotions are, for the better part, irrational. For example, why do we provide special needs support? Rationally it makes no sense to support them. They are objectively inferior to any defect free human being. And all they really do is stress the system.
So...with that said, I'm literally going to spend the next few days/weeks trying to get back in touch with my feelings. This sounds ****ing stupid, but the misery and rage I'm feeling may be a result of constantly doing things out of rationality as opposed to how I feel. Everything needs to be balanced, and I may have gone too far to one side.