That is one of the good stories. I wish it was the norm.
Why isn't everyone in the same boat?
I'm sure we all know of cases where the person died in poverty after squandering every cent they made. If they enjoyed the blast were they better off than the prudent ones that never kicked up their heels?
My dad and mom put a meagre 5% away from the time they started working. At 18 yrs old that was about $4/week for him and $3 for her. At 65 that retirement plan was kicking out $5k/mo in income and had enough equity for them to live happily ever after.
Another thing to consider - long term care for the most part is 'for profit'. The players answer to the shareholders, care of residents is secondary. Who's to blame ? Mike Harris - he deregulated the business when he was premier, and no subsequent government has had the nuggets to do anything about it. He's now the big kahuna for a lot of the privately run homes. A real, enforced provincial strategy would go a long way to protecting residents and front line care givers. We have a provincial health care system that we all pay into, and reap the benefits. The same thing could work in LTC (or motor vehicle insurance, but that's a topic for another day).
I don’t blame Harris. I blame a population that has shirked personal responsibility and become addicted to entitlements.
I have acquaintances who know exactly what the daily “entitlement” is worth, the could give a **** about planning for the possibility they may need care someday.
I don’t know what the govt pays, don’t care because I never plan to see myself or wife in a GovtVilla rest home, I have always chosen to rely on myself for whatever I can.
My dad and mom put a meagre 5% away from the time they started working. At 18 yrs old that was about $4/week for him and $3 for her. At 65 that retirement plan was kicking out $5k/mo in income and had enough equity for them to live happily ever after.
I don’t blame Harris. I blame a population that has shirked personal responsibility and become addicted to entitlements.
I have acquaintances who know exactly what the daily “entitlement” is worth, the could give a **** about planning for the possibility they may need care someday.
I don’t know what the govt pays, don’t care because I never plan to see myself or wife in a GovtVilla rest home, I have always chosen to rely on myself for whatever I can.
It's hard to explain to someone that they should put away 5% when they can't pay off their monthly credit card balance. Isn't that number around 50% of the card holders. We gotta have stuff. If we don't buy stuff the retail market will collapse. If it collapses so will our investment portfolios. Ponzi scheme.
Harrris did some good things. IIRC he brought in or upgraded the condo act. My thoughts were that if he didn't, condo owners would develop so much voter clout they could demand government assistance for building issues.
The biggest problem is people only hearing what they want to hear and not asking where's the money coming from and going. It's basic math. What grade does a person learn that 2-3 = a non existent quantity.
Great discussion people!
I'm getting a lot of good info from everyone. I need it. The thought of my wife going to a ltc scares me. But it terrifies her. With her brain injury, she can't do very much on her own and relies on me for everything. I have a great deal of respect for psw's. It's a really tough job when the patient is happy and pure hell when the patient is not.
The homes are confusing. My Dad was in the Wexford (funded and expensive) in Scarborough for 2 years. It sucked and he hated it. Our complaints fell on deaf ears.
My Mom was in Trilogy (funded and expensive) in Scarborough and it was good. Never a problem.
Father in law was at Conestogo Lodge Kitchener (for profit and cheap). It was great. Awesome staff and he loved it even before his dementia.
The next few years will be interesting for us. And after looking at the "age" poll, it will be interesting for a lot of other gtam members.
Great discussion people!
I'm getting a lot of good info from everyone. I need it. The thought of my wife going to a ltc scares me. But it terrifies her. With her brain injury, she can't do very much on her own and relies on me for everything. I have a great deal of respect for psw's. It's a really tough job when the patient is happy and pure hell when the patient is not.
The homes are confusing. My Dad was in the Wexford (funded and expensive) in Scarborough for 2 years. It sucked and he hated it. Our complaints fell on deaf ears.
My Mom was in Trilogy (funded and expensive) in Scarborough and it was good. Never a problem.
Father in law was at Conestogo Lodge Kitchener (for profit and cheap). It was great. Awesome staff and he loved it even before his dementia.
The next few years will be interesting for us. And after looking at the "age" poll, it will be interesting for a lot of other gtam members.
When we were looking for a home for my grandmother years ago we got some good advice. You want to go into a home while you are still you. That way you build relationships with the staff and in their minds you are a kind and caring person (assuming you were). When you ultimately decline the staff remembers who you were and treats you with love and respect. If you enter as a zombie it is really hard for the staff to bond and form that personal connection. It worked well for my grandmother. As she declined she had occasional outbursts and bit a few staff, they just said "we know that's not her" and continued with their exceptional care.
An ownership change was behind one of my dad's moves. First one that he moved into was independently owned, and was pretty good for the first little while. Then Chartwell bought them out. Then they started doing things like changing out the furniture in the common rooms (what's there was functional and useful, but its appearance didn't suit the corporate image), and what they replaced it with, looked a certain way but didn't work as well or wasn't as comfortable as what it replaced. And service went downhill. Off he went to another place. That one was good until the owners decided that they needed to expand the building ... and my dad's window, which previously looked out over Kitchener, was now going to be in a corner of the building with a view of the parking lot, because of the way the building expansion was going to block it. Off to the next place, which was a new construction - my dad was the first tenant - and it was good, and he was there to the end. Obviously I have no idea what has happened since 2014, but it's still there ...
It's hard to explain to someone that they should put away 5% when they can't pay off their monthly credit card balance. Isn't that number around 50% of the card holders. We gotta have stuff. If we don't buy stuff the retail market will collapse. If it collapses so will our investment portfolios. Ponzi scheme.
Harrris did some good things. IIRC he brought in or upgraded the condo act. My thoughts were that if he didn't, condo owners would develop so much voter clout they could demand government assistance for building issues.
The biggest problem is people only hearing what they want to hear and not asking where's the money coming from and going. It's basic math. What grade does a person learn that 2-3 = a non existent quantity.
I was a banker for a long time, I saw hundreds people’s accounts every day. While I never knew their circumstances, I could see income and spend patterns.
Mt feeling is people are generally irresponsible. $20k in credit card debt with a $900 car payment, or a $1000 Uber eats monthly spend was common.
If you qualify for a credit card, you can put 5% away. If you treat credit like free money, maybe not.
Advice: if you have kids, teach them the basics of finance. It’s not hard to carve out a good life in Canada if you are disciplined. It’s easier to be cavalier, then you get indebted to the man - who by the way is carving out a good life thanks to you.
I was a banker for a long time, I saw hundreds people’s accounts every day. While I never knew their circumstances, I could see income and spend patterns.
Mt feeling is people are generally irresponsible. $20k in credit card debt with a $900 car payment, or a $1000 Uber eats monthly spend was common.
If you qualify for a credit card, you can put 5% away. If you treat credit like free money, maybe not.
Advice: if you have kids, teach them the basics of finance. It’s not hard to carve out a good life in Canada if you are disciplined. It’s easier to be cavalier, then you get indebted to the man - who by the way is carving out a good life thanks to you.
I'm not completely on board with this guy but he makes a point that a huge potential inheritance can distract a person from focusing on a career or life game plan. A friend of friend thing but the guy is worth close to ten million. He has an only child son that figures he'll never have to work.
I tend to look at the cost of things per year. Three dollars a day is over a thousand dollars a year.
I sat with my daughter in front of a cheque cash place and had her do the calculations on the $200 for $20 deal compounded for a year. She momentarily thought about opening a cheque cashing outlet.
Those cheque cashing places and payday loan places should never exist . But they do. And I understand are rediculously profitable. I would own shares in one LOL
99% of my family just die at home, my wife's family had both parents go into LTC. The thing I noticed was her mom in a rural setting about 30mins out of burlington seemed a lot more laid back and the home seemed to have a genuine feel of care and compassion. Her dad went into an urban home , there was a LOT of turnover in staff and it was nice, expensive, and they were not that helpful. He wound up in an actual nursing home, I think if I'd offered to shoot him , he'd have paid for the bullet.
With euthanasia being legal. Perhaps the most important type of will is a living will with a designated power of attorney for personal care.
Personally I've got that and a regular will drafted as two parts to one document. I don't want to live if I'm not all mentally there. I've seen it with my own grandparents, and I wouldn't want to wish that on my kids.
Being remembered for who you were is important. Rather then who you became dealing with dementia and other diseases.
With euthanasia being legal. Perhaps the most important type of will is a living will with a designated power of attorney for personal care.
Personally I've got that and a regular will drafted as two parts to one document. I don't want to live if I'm not all mentally there. I've seen it with my own grandparents, and I wouldn't want to wish that on my kids.
Being remembered for who you were is important. Rather then who you became dealing with dementia and other diseases.
Euthanasia is only partly legal. Hopefully the revised MAID legislation passes to open opportunities for people to make decisions on their life. Far to many people that want to go do not meet the current criteria and are therefore forced to suffer much longer with no real upside.
Euthanasia is only partly legal. Hopefully the revised MAID legislation passes to open opportunities for people to make decisions on their life. Far to many people that want to go do not meet the current criteria and are therefore forced to suffer much longer with no real upside.
Oh I know, but I've tried to future proof the living will. I've also put in a clause to have me brought to an euthanasia friendly nation if Canadian law hasn't gotten it's act together. My biggest fear is my kids won't follow a living will.
Euthanasia is only partly legal. Hopefully the revised MAID legislation passes to open opportunities for people to make decisions on their life. Far to many people that want to go do not meet the current criteria and are therefore forced to suffer much longer with no real upside.
Another benefit is that if the person is mentally competent but suffering untreatable pain they have the opportunity to divest themselves of properties as they see fit. Anyone that's seen or been through a will challenge can understand.
While I appreciate the thread this is def a topic that will need to come up with my parents soon enough. Both edging on 70 and I’m not looking forward to the discussion.
Anytime the info is brought up it’s deflected. Eventually they’ll have to acknowledge the fact they’re getting older.
Great discussion people!
I'm getting a lot of good info from everyone. I need it. The thought of my wife going to a ltc scares me. But it terrifies her. With her brain injury, she can't do very much on her own and relies on me for everything. I have a great deal of respect for psw's. It's a really tough job when the patient is happy and pure hell when the patient is not.
The homes are confusing. My Dad was in the Wexford (funded and expensive) in Scarborough for 2 years. It sucked and he hated it. Our complaints fell on deaf ears.
My Mom was in Trilogy (funded and expensive) in Scarborough and it was good. Never a problem.
Father in law was at Conestogo Lodge Kitchener (for profit and cheap). It was great. Awesome staff and he loved it even before his dementia.
The next few years will be interesting for us. And after looking at the "age" poll, it will be interesting for a lot of other gtam members.
Your situation is a tragic extreme. How does one plan for the things you have gone through?
I know a family with a similar situation. They have a 40+ year old son who was born normal but needed a minor operation at age five. The doctor screwed up and the kid's brain stopped growing. He would be mentally five forever. A lawsuit brought financial relief thanks to a nurse that revealed what happened.
Decades later the lad, then in his 30's, was at a special needs camp, his guardian became distracted and he fell breaking his back. Add a lifetime in a wheelchair to the mix. Fortunately his siblings are as dedicated to him as the parents.
Being in any of the above situations carries a lot of physical stress but the mental stress isn't a walk in the park either.
A single person normally gets off light on the decision part. Get up in the morning and decide what to do and do it. If you end up with road rash it's your own arse and you move on with life, hopefully smarter.
Caring for another means thinking what you might like, then what you think the other would think is nice but trying to see it through their eyes and trying to come up with a compromise that has meaning. That means processing three or four scenarios and they're all jello nailed to a wall.
Add picking a LTC home and trying to see past the nice pictures and glowing reports isn't fun either.
My game plan is to buy a condo, second or third floor, to have on hand for when the stairs become too much. The really hard part will be giving up my shop. I don't think I can sneak an 800 pound milling machine into the elevator.
Sadly no they wont. I know people that have been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, had complicated family issues and waited until days before death to prepare a will. Some people see death as inevitable and have no issues talking about or planning for it, others refuse to acknowledge that it will happen yet alone sometime soon.
While I appreciate the thread this is def a topic that will need to come up with my parents soon enough. Both edging on 70 and I’m not looking forward to the discussion.
Anytime the info is brought up it’s deflected. Eventually they’ll have to acknowledge the fact they’re getting older.
That's a really tough one. Our daughters were on our case about selling our 2 storey and moving to a retirement bungalow. We have recently spent about 25k on mobility related devices that make the home safe. Our relationship with them is good, but i can see how it could have been hurt.
While I appreciate the thread this is def a topic that will need to come up with my parents soon enough. Both edging on 70 and I’m not looking forward to the discussion.
Anytime the info is brought up it’s deflected. Eventually they’ll have to acknowledge the fact they’re getting older.
Several things come into play. One is denial of the inevitable, aging and death. That changes all too late and is the subject of this thread.
Your dad is still working and doing things. Being a productive member of society is part of him. Stopping that would be like cutting off his right arm. Your mom is likely similar. Just a guess on my part but if they spent the day watching soap operas they would feel bad about wasting the day. They need to find productive alternates.
Can you get him to work a day less a week and spend an extra day at the cottage or volunteering at a project that reflects his values?
A normal pattern is to spend one's early years doing grunt stuff, moving up to skilled stuff and then supervisory stuff. At some time one has to pass on the skills.
It's harder to do when you're self employed because the boss is always on call. When I shut down my company I worked part time for another contractor, taught some skills and made a few dollars of toy money. Now I just tinker, partly because of covid.
Several things come into play. One is denial of the inevitable, aging and death. That changes all too late and is the subject of this thread.
Your dad is still working and doing things. Being a productive member of society is part of him. Stopping that would be like cutting off his right arm. Your mom is likely similar. Just a guess on my part but if they spent the day watching soap operas they would feel bad about wasting the day. They need to find productive alternates.
Can you get him to work a day less a week and spend an extra day at the cottage or volunteering at a project that reflects his values?
A normal pattern is to spend one's early years doing grunt stuff, moving up to skilled stuff and then supervisory stuff. At some time one has to pass on the skills.
It's harder to do when you're self employed because the boss is always on call. When I shut down my company I worked part time for another contractor, taught some skills and made a few dollars of toy money. Now I just tinker, partly because of covid.
That's a really tough one. Our daughters were on our case about selling our 2 storey and moving to a retirement bungalow. We have recently spent about 25k on mobility related devices that make the home safe. Our relationship with them is good, but i can see how it could have been hurt.
When the body is hurt it affects the mind and when the mind is hurt it affects the body. Both conditions have to be treated simultaneously to maintain equilibrium.
A bungalow would be a good move for us except they hardly make them anymore. The problem is that neither of us have lived in one and are used to bedrooms on a second floor. It may sound silly but we all lock into patterns that others will never understand. It's a bigger problem when one or more have special needs or challenges.
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