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Jokes

For my Newfie friends...

The day after his mother-in-law disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Twillingate, Newfoundland man answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers. "We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your mother-in-law," said one of the officers. "Tell me! Did you find her?!" Cedric Flynn asked.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news , some good news , and some really great news . Which would you like to hear first?" Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first. "

The RCMP officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your mother-in-law's body in the bay. " "Lord sufferin' Jaysus!" exclaimed Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news? " The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch." Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"

The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow".
 
If you're a lawyer, please don't sue me LOL

A lawyer joke

A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner, who wanted to reoccupy the home.

When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.

He couldn't say he had no children because he couldn't lie (as we all
know, lawyers cannot, and do not lie).

So he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.

He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real
estate agent.

He loved one of the homes and the price was right.
The agent asked:” How many children do you have?"
He answered: "Twelve."

The agent asked, "Where are the others?"
The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look, answered, "They're in
the cemetery with their mother."

MORAL:
It's not necessary to lie; one has only to choose the right words.
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Me trying to fit in with non motorbike people

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