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Jokes
- Thread starter ifiddles
- Start date
Green Meenie
Well-known member
My late brother went canoeing, tying the thing on the top of his cube van. When he got to the river he found a chained off access road, backed in as far as he could and went paddling. He reversed the procedure when he got tired and headed home.
Looking in his rear view mirror he saw his canoe bouncing along behind the van. He had tied it down OVER the access road chain.
But most of the straps don't have a twist in them? Doubting the trucker credentials. Maybe management grabbed some straps from the store room?
Riceburner
Well-known member
I've seen many a tractor trailer strap without a twist. Surprised.... it's more common not to have a twist.
and a summary of GTAM
ifiddles
Well-known member
A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.'Why so little,' she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, 'look, I should tell you first that this bird used
to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it
to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, 'new
house, new madam. The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then
thought 'that's really not so bad.'
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, 'new
house, new madam, new girls.'
The girls and the woman were a bit offended, but then began to laugh about the
situation, considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later,
the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,.....'hi Keith'.
ifiddles
Well-known member
We're still battling COVID-19 , and the next thing is here already .....
The *NILE Virus, type C*Virologists have identified a new Nile virus - type C.
It appears to target those who were born between 1930 & 1970.
Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same message twice.
2. Causes you to send a blank message
3. Causes you to send a message to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
6. Causes you to hit SEND before you've finished.
7. Causes you to hit DELETE instead of SEND.
8. Causes you to SEND when you should DELETE.
It is called the *C-NILE* virus!
And if you can't admit to doing the above, you've obviously caught the mutated strain:
The *D-NILE* virus.
Green Meenie
Well-known member
ifiddles
Well-known member
MERCEDES BENZ FOR SALE $1.00
Someone put up this advertisement...
No one believed it could be true so no one responded, but an old man responded and went to see the car.
The Lady actually sold him a 2018 Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 Kms, for $1. She handed him the papers and the car keys. Deal done.
As the old man was leaving, he said:
"I shall die of suspense if you don't tell me why this car was sold so cheap?"
The Lady replied:
"I am just fulfilling the will of my deceased husband, where it's written that the money received from the sale of his Mercedes would go to his Secretary .."
Someone put up this advertisement...
No one believed it could be true so no one responded, but an old man responded and went to see the car.
The Lady actually sold him a 2018 Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 Kms, for $1. She handed him the papers and the car keys. Deal done.
As the old man was leaving, he said:
"I shall die of suspense if you don't tell me why this car was sold so cheap?"
The Lady replied:
"I am just fulfilling the will of my deceased husband, where it's written that the money received from the sale of his Mercedes would go to his Secretary .."
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