jokes

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says "Where in the hell have you been?"

He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."

"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates" he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain;"Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, for one; I like to watch my money grow, and two; once in a while I like to play with my money, three; I like how money feels in my hand and lastly; instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
 
Good one
 
You ever seen what's printed at the bottom of a condom?







Yeah, I've never had to unroll it that far either. ?

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My 11 year old made up this joke. I need someone to play along for full effect. 2 parts.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

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Riceburner said:
Who's there?
Click to expand...
Um......wrong joke.
Joe Bass said:
My 11 year old made up this joke. I need someone to play along for full effect. 2 parts.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Sent from a Samsung Galaxy far, far away using Tapatalk
Click to expand...


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Riceburner said:
Could have been the interrupting cow....


Ok fine. Why?
Click to expand...
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock- knock.

Ahem! I said 'knock - knock'!

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Last edited:
Joe Bass said:
My 11 year old made up this joke. I need someone to play along for full effect. 2 parts.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Sent from a Samsung Galaxy far, far away using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

He was stapled to Alice Cooper's face?

Sorry, I had to.
 
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”
“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”
“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".
​
 
There's an old Jewish man walking on the beach and he comes across a magic lantern. He rubs it and a genie comes out. The genie says to the old Jewish man, "I will grant you anything you want." The old Jewish man pulls out a map of the Middle East and shows it to the genie and says, "I would like peace in the Middle East between Israelis and the Palestinians." The genie looks at the map and says, "I cannot do that. Anything else?" And so the Jewish man says, "I would like my wife to blow me one more time." The genie says, "Let me see that map again."
 
Joe Bass said:
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock- knock.

Ahem! I said 'knock - knock'!

Sent from a Samsung Galaxy far, far away using Tapatalk
Click to expand...
One more time....
To continue the joke....
Knock - knock

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Joe Bass said:
One more time....
To continue the joke....
Knock - knock

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Click to expand...
I will bite.
Who's there?
 
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