jokes

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True story....

Chris thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman’s uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him.
 
True story....

Chris thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman’s uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him.
Lolz ? stealing it

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True story....

Chris thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman’s uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him.

The one what? I don't get it.
 
How do dog catchers get paid?
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By the pound.

I had a few more...one about a roof....but it's over your heads.....
One about a pizza......but it's too cheesy.....
Another about a jump rope....but I'm gonna skip it....

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What do you get when you put 50 lesbians together with 50 government workers?
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100 people that don't do dick.

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I put my grandma on speed dial....
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I call that Instagram

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No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationary

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Breaking news! Energizer bunny arrested:charged with battery

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Whoever invented knock-knock jokes should get a no-bell prize

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Thanks Joe. You reminded me of some of these......

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

Do birds know where they're going when they fly south for the winter or do they just wing it every time?

The Rodent Club finished drafting their constitution, but it has yet to be ratified.
 
Stealing those^^^ ☺

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Just read that Chef Boyardee died. At first they had thought it was murder, but they concluded that he just pasta way.

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Two eggs, a slice of toast and some bacon walk into a bar and order beers. Bartender looks at them and says " sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

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Stealing someone's coffee is called mugging

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The other day I held the door open for a clown. It was a nice jester.

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