give us a joke please

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An engineer and a lawyer are taking a piss at the urinals one day. The engineer zips up and leaves the bathroom. The lawyer, noticing the engineer didn't wash his hands, zips up, washes up quickly and runs after the engineer. He says to the engineer, "In law school, they taught us to always wash our hands after pissing." To which the engineer replied, "In engineering school, they taught us not to piss on our hands.." The lawyer looked on perplexed as the engineer farted in his general direction and went on his way..
 
not a joke but entertaining enough

[video=youtube;k3rCLtXm4oc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3rCLtXm4oc[/video]
 
RockerGuy said:
if_you_can_read_this_540.jpg
Click to expand...
:sad1:
 
lol omg that site is rich...
[video]http://i1090.photobucket.com/albums/i374/jvillecbr/goat.jpg[/video]
 
Mexican Words Of The Day
>
> adult english class

> The teacher told Pepito to use the Following words in a sentence:
>
> 1. *Cheese*
> Maria likes me, but cheese ugly.
> ......................................................................................................
>
> 2. *Mushroom*
> When all my family get in the car
> There's not mushroom.
>
> ..................................................................
> 3. *Shoulder*
> My fren wants 2 become a citizen,
> But che didn't know how to read,
> So I, shoulder.
> ....................................................................
> 4. * Texas *
> When I'm not home,
> My fren always Texas me,
> Che wonders where I am!
> .......................................................................
> 5. *Herpes*
> Me and my fren ordered pizza.
> I got mine piece
> Then che got herpes.
>
>
> 6. *July*
> Ju told me ju were going to tha store
> But ju went to see sum guy,
> July to me! Julyer!
> ....................................................................................
> 7. *Rectum*
> I had 2 cars
> But my wife rectum!
> .................................................................................
> 8. *Chicken*
> I was going to go to the store with my wife
> But che said chicken go herself.
> .................................................................................
> 9. *Wheelchair*
> We only have one enchilada left
> But don't worry wheelchair
> ................................................................................
> 10. *Chicken* *wing*
> My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
> .................................................................................
> 11. *Harassment*
> My wife caught me in bed with another women.
> I told her, "Honey, harassment nothen to me.
> ......................................................................................
> 12. *Bishop*
> My wife fell down the stair
> So I had to pick the bishop.
>
> -........................................................................

> 13. *Body wash*
> I want to go to the club
> But no body wash my kids.
> ......................................................................
> 14. *Budweiser*
> That women has a nice body,
>
> Budweiser face so ugly?

Sent from my A500 using Tapatalk 2
 
ImageUploadedByTapatalk1343517031.390933.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
oilycreek said:
Mexican Words Of The Day
>
> adult english class

> The teacher told Pepito to use the Following words in a sentence:
>
> 1. *Cheese*
> Maria likes me, but cheese ugly.
> ......................................................................................................
>
> 2. *Mushroom*
> When all my family get in the car
> There's not mushroom.
>
> ..................................................................
> 3. *Shoulder*
> My fren wants 2 become a citizen,
> But che didn't know how to read,
> So I, shoulder.
> ....................................................................
> 4. * Texas *
> When I'm not home,
> My fren always Texas me,
> Che wonders where I am!
> .......................................................................
> 5. *Herpes*
> Me and my fren ordered pizza.
> I got mine piece
> Then che got herpes.
>
>
> 6. *July*
> Ju told me ju were going to tha store
> But ju went to see sum guy,
> July to me! Julyer!
> ....................................................................................
> 7. *Rectum*
> I had 2 cars
> But my wife rectum!
> .................................................................................
> 8. *Chicken*
> I was going to go to the store with my wife
> But che said chicken go herself.
> .................................................................................
> 9. *Wheelchair*
> We only have one enchilada left
> But don't worry wheelchair
> ................................................................................
> 10. *Chicken* *wing*
> My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
> .................................................................................
> 11. *Harassment*
> My wife caught me in bed with another women.
> I told her, "Honey, harassment nothen to me.
> ......................................................................................
> 12. *Bishop*
> My wife fell down the stair
> So I had to pick the bishop.
>
> -........................................................................

> 13. *Body wash*
> I want to go to the club
> But no body wash my kids.
> ......................................................................
> 14. *Budweiser*
> That women has a nice body,
>
> Budweiser face so ugly?

Sent from my A500 using Tapatalk 2
Click to expand...

LOL, u're gonna get into alot of trouble
 
oilycreek said:
Mexican Words Of The Day
>
> adult english class

> The teacher told Pepito to use the Following words in a sentence:
>
> 1. *Cheese*
> Maria likes me, but cheese ugly.
> ......................................................................................................
>
> 2. *Mushroom*
> When all my family get in the car
> There's not mushroom.
>
> ..................................................................
> 3. *Shoulder*
> My fren wants 2 become a citizen,
> But che didn't know how to read,
> So I, shoulder.
> ....................................................................
> 4. * Texas *
> When I'm not home,
> My fren always Texas me,
> Che wonders where I am!
> .......................................................................
> 5. *Herpes*
> Me and my fren ordered pizza.
> I got mine piece
> Then che got herpes.
>
>
> 6. *July*
> Ju told me ju were going to tha store
> But ju went to see sum guy,
> July to me! Julyer!
> ....................................................................................
> 7. *Rectum*
> I had 2 cars
> But my wife rectum!
> .................................................................................
> 8. *Chicken*
> I was going to go to the store with my wife
> But che said chicken go herself.
> .................................................................................
> 9. *Wheelchair*
> We only have one enchilada left
> But don't worry wheelchair
> ................................................................................
> 10. *Chicken* *wing*
> My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
> .................................................................................
> 11. *Harassment*
> My wife caught me in bed with another women.
> I told her, "Honey, harassment nothen to me.
> ......................................................................................
> 12. *Bishop*
> My wife fell down the stair
> So I had to pick the bishop.
>
> -........................................................................

> 13. *Body wash*
> I want to go to the club
> But no body wash my kids.
> ......................................................................
> 14. *Budweiser*
> That women has a nice body,
>
> Budweiser face so ugly?

Sent from my A500 using Tapatalk 2
Click to expand...


I will link you to my spanglish dictionary sir!!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XBmohQyWpdx7fKi7kd392-yw60xjoOsQaBoVm6Bd2eI/edit

lettuce shoulder you why she wooden spoon!

ps: any new words are welcome!
 
A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's
birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes
over to the counter.

The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades. She says to
him, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, ?"Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the
counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway......

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel
and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all-around combination, and it's on sale
this week for only $20.00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it
dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit
card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.

At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes......there is no way
the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't
know that she was the only person around?

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod
and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

He replies, "Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is
$11.00, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."

She paid it and left without saying a word.

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I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.

Short line. Just one lady in front of me . . an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today, I get hunat eighty? Why it change?'

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.'

The Asian lady said, 'Fluc you white people, too.'
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Dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner.

"Son, where were you today?" The son says "at school dad." Robot slaps the son!

"Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!" "What dvd?" "Toy story." Robot slaps the son again!

"Ok, it was a porno" cries the son.

"What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad.

Robot slaps the dad!

Mom laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly your son."

Robot slaps the mom
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A lady is walking in to Walmart, yelling obscenities at her two kids, the greeter says "hi how are you doing" the lady yells and says how do you think I am doing, nothing ever goes right for me, why are you so ****ing happy, the greeter says beautiful kids you have, are they twins, the lady says are you an idiot, one is 7. One is 9 why would you be so ****ing stupid to ask that, the greeter replies, because I can't see you getting laid twice.

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ABadjusterrider_5 said:
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be!
Click to expand...
It was actually someone in management that thought there was too much glass for the application. The engineer designed the glass to be bigger than it needed because it incorporates what we like to call a "safety factor".
 
I LOL'ed hard

[video=youtube;TgH_vbhfn0M]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgH_vbhfn0M&feature=player_embedded[/video]
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