amicable breakups...do they exist?

TomC

TomC

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Broke up with my gf of two years last sunday. we're at different stages of our lives, i just got a house and looking to settle down and she's still drifting around.

Funny thing is that the day after, she offered to help paint my house and yard work...

Does this mean anything, shouldn't it be normal to ...er take some time away?

I have no pics, so gtfo :)
 
TomC said:
Broke up with my gf of two years last sunday. we're at different stages of our lives, i just got a house and looking to settle down and she's still drifting around.

Funny thing is that the day after, she offered to help paint my house and yard work...

Does this mean anything, shouldn't it be normal to ...er take some time away?

I have no pics, so gtfo :)
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I'd call it strange, maybe she's not accepting of it just yet. If she's still "drifting" around you should send her to KC or lakeshore maybe somebody else will take her off your hands for you.

but you should post some pics first!
 
Is she young?
It seems that is a pretty petty matter to break up for. People eventually want to settle down in their life....well, if they are normal. So its a matter of time before she will want to settle down.
 
RockerGuy said:
Is she young?
It seems that is a pretty petty matter to break up for. People eventually want to settle down in their life....well, if they are normal. So its a matter of time before she will want to settle down.
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well what i mean by drifting - unmotivated, unambitious, lazy, doesn't see any reason to change. I don't think me being around her helps either. Kind of like spoiled kids, no reason to change so why would she? Petty? Maybe to some, but I find that having 'love' for someone requires a certain amount of respect.

What i want to know is if I'm setting myself up for danger...
 
TomC said:
What i want to know is if I'm setting myself up for danger...
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By hanging around her after you've broken up? Depends, really, but generally speaking, I'd say you are. As amicable as this break up was, I'd imagine that you'd still need some time to get her out of your system. If you start developing more feelings for her, or start to regret breaking up with her while she's free and clear to fool around, you're gonna get screwed. And not in the good way.

He who cares least wins. Burn that bridge baby!
 
Flashmonkey said:
By hanging around her after you've broken up? Depends, really, but generally speaking, I'd say you are. As amicable as this break up was, I'd imagine that you'd still need some time to get her out of your system. If you start developing more feelings for her, or start to regret breaking up with her while she's free and clear to fool around, you're gonna get screwed. And not in the good way.

He who cares least wins. Burn that bridge baby!
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wise words from a wise primate ^
 
If you want this break up to work you need to stay away from her, I know its hard to say no to free labour but if she keeps hanging around you neither one of you will be able to move on with your life.
I'be been there and done that, and found that most of the time by hanging around each other, or keeping any kind of contact most of the time you will drift right back into a relationship.
 
During break-ups, I'd purposely try to distance myself from the other. Feelings can be amicable, but usually in the months later... I would try to get completely away for a month or two after. Even if you turn down free housework labor.

I have broken up with a chick for exactly the same reasons too. I was - and am - quite driven, and the girl wasn't going anywhere in life. And a few years on, I'm engaged to someone way better and I don't regret the move. And the ex has put on weight :p

Back to your life... you'll see things a bit clearer after some time. And it gives you a chance to get back out there too. Show up at a cougar bar with a spare helmet and the motorbike buddy...
 
honduhmatic said:
Show up at a cougar bar with a spare helmet and the motorbike buddy...
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I think he is trying to settle down, not getting laid by cougers :rolleyes:
 
We're all different I guess. I was being a bit facetious about the cougar bar. After a year or two relationship, it's good to get back out there... or at least look at what's out there.

I met my fiancee through friends at a bar, two weeks after going through a fairly serious break-up.
 
RockerGuy said:
I think he is trying to settle down, not getting laid by cougers :rolleyes:
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i wouldnt mind that either...i'm somewhat goal oriented, whether it be to find a life partner, or a one night stand...
when there's no future in sight and you've given it a good year to see if things would change (or at the very least an effort), then that makes me nervous. Don't really know if this make sense, the way i see it, there's no benefit of me being in the current relationship anymore.
 
resist the urge of the poon tang, it will mess u up in the end.

depends how you go about it, it is possible to be on good terms but from my own experience, just forget about it and move on.

Unless you guys have common friends or work in a common business/industry, nothing good can come along from hanging out with each other. either its over or its not. In limbo, one person is bound to get hurt, better to walk away- live and learn,
 
Close the chapter, find a new book. You'll be a spare tire if you keep it.
 
TomC said:
i wouldnt mind that either...i'm somewhat goal oriented, whether it be to find a life partner, or a one night stand...
when there's no future in sight and you've given it a good year to see if things would change (or at the very least an effort), then that makes me nervous. Don't really know if this make sense, the way i see it, there's no benefit of me being in the current relationship anymore.
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If that's the case, then it sounds like you're in a good state... where it doesn't feel like you need her.

Enjoy life and all it has to offer.
 
Do yourself and her a favor - move forward and never look back. There's lots of fish in the sea. Unless you share a common interest such as kids, there's really no need to maintain any sort of relationship.
 
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You just bought a house? Broke up with your girlfriend of 2 years? You got to watch the living arrangement with that new house to worry about.
 
twinn said:
resist the urge of the poon tang, it will mess u up in the end.

depends how you go about it, it is possible to be on good terms but from my own experience, just forget about it and move on.

Unless you guys have common friends or work in a common business/industry, nothing good can come along from hanging out with each other. either its over or its not. In limbo, one person is bound to get hurt, better to walk away- live and learn,
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Truth!

Some chick once told me that you can't be good friends with an ex unless something's still there. And after a couple years of testing the theory out and thinking about it, I honestly think that it's true. And even if you don't feel it, the chick might.

Stewart said:
where are these cougar bars ?
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Crocodile rock in general, and more specifically, 911 night...Or so I hear :o
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