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inreb said:
Yes, that's one of the big ones. Until that gets sorted I would suggest no one get married. This mostly applies to guys. But this thought experiment is about how long to wait to have real physical intimacy with one you hope to spend the rest of your life with. There is some strong evidence to suggest a rethink.
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There is some strong internal chemical persuasion limiting my likelihood of running such an experiment... not to mention the ol "only enough blood to run one head at a time" :p
 
Neil_V said:
There is some strong internal chemical persuasion limiting my likelihood of running such an experiment... not to mention the ol "only enough blood to run one head at a time" :p
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Well, it appears we have some work to do.
 
Or better yet, why even get married in today's world? When you live with someone for so long you're already common law, and if studies prove that a lot of marriages end in divorce, why put yourself in that position? You can be just as happy without putting a ring on it.

As for waiting for Sexy times, that all depends on the person but I would strongly advise against doing it on the first date as I wouldn't want to come across as, "easy".

There are so many options of being completely appealing without spreading your legs the first chance you get.



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Maovee said:
Or better yet, why even get married in today's world? When you live with someone for so long you're already common law, and if studies prove that a lot of marriages end in divorce, why put yourself in that position? You can be just as happy without putting a ring on it.

As for waiting for Sexy times, that all depends on the person but I would strongly advise against doing it on the first date as I wouldn't want to come across as, "easy".

There are so many options of being completely appealing without spreading your legs the first chance you get.
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Interestingly I was just having a convo with my gf the other night about how I feel women 'slut' shame (for lack of a better term) far more often than men..... If there's sparks, why not make a fire?
 
Neil_V said:
Interestingly I was just having a convo with my gf the other night about how I feel women 'slut' shame (for lack of a better term) far more often than men..... If there's sparks, why not make a fire?
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There are a few reasons, how does one know that a guy, or girl isn't simply using one for sex?

It is easy to lie and say that it won't be a one time deal but there are people out there that "hit it and quit it" for number purposes.

Some people see it as a game, and I've been on both sides of it and would rather not return.

That's just my opinion though. I'd rather wait a little to figure out a guys intentions rather than expose myself.

I don't see anything wrong with people wanted to just **** and get it over with, but for me, I'd rather wait (Not saying months) but until I get an understanding on what the other person is seeking.

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Maovee said:
There are a few reasons, how does one know that a guy, or girl isn't simply using one for sex?

It is easy to lie and say that it won't be a one time deal but there are people out there that "hit it and quit it" for number purposes.

Some people see it as a game, and I've been on both sides of it and would rather not return.

That's just my opinion though. I'd rather wait a little to figure out a guys intentions rather than expose myself.

I don't see anything wrong with people wanted to just **** and get it over with, but for me, I'd rather wait (Not saying months) but until I get an understanding on what the other person is seeking.

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All three are very valid points, and good enough reason for anyone to take as much time as needed; quite different though from the "I wouldn't want to come across as easy" comment, which to me, implied a projection of sluttiness onto women who may be into someone enough to "give it up" on the first date.. My point was, I actually here this more from my female friends than male; which makes me wonder where the persistence of slut shaming truly lay
 
Neil_V said:
All three are very valid points, and good enough reason for anyone to take as much time as needed; quite different though from the "I wouldn't want to come across as easy" comment, which to me, implied a projection of sluttiness onto women who may be into someone enough to "give it up" on the first date.. My point was, I actually here this more from my female friends than male; which makes me wonder where the persistence of slut shaming truly lay
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I think it's more so, how it would make me feel throwing it out there from the start.



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Maovee said:
I think it's more so, how it would make me feel throwing it out there from the start.
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Shameful? ... and I don't mean to be offensive. Just kind of speaks to the point I'm trying to make, i.e. why should it make anyone feel anything but satisfied with the moment; unless the partner was **** :p
 
Neil_V said:
Shameful? ... and I don't mean to be offensive. Just kind of speaks to the point I'm trying to make, i.e. why should it make anyone feel anything but satisfied with the moment; unless the partner was **** :p
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When knows why people feel the way they feel. actually don't answer that because I'm sure there is a long answer for it.

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It's a balancing act. Gotta wait for the appropriate time. Maybe first date is a bit soon, but years later is too long. Each relationship is different and you can't place a rule treating every one the same.


And FYI, just cause you don't get married doesn't mean the hassle of divorce is avoided. Once common law, it's the same as marriage without the ring and paperwork. If you split up the same claims as divorce can be made. And if you have kids, it's the same ball of wax too.
 
Riceburner said:
It's a balancing act. Gotta wait for the appropriate time. Maybe first date is a bit soon, but years later is too long. Each relationship is different and you can't place a rule treating every one the same.


And FYI, just cause you don't get married doesn't mean the hassle of divorce is avoided. Once common law, it's the same as marriage without the ring and paperwork. If you split up the same claims as divorce can be made. And if you have kids, it's the same ball of wax too.
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Oh we're talking serious relationships... Got confused with the thread title :cool:

As for common law, it is different as you maintain legal right to the property you brought into the relationship, and the property you can prove you bought yourself; keep those receipts
 
That applies to marriage too....except for the shared home....that doesn't matter who paid for it, once shared, it's split after.
 
inreb said:
A little derailment here because I can (pending interference) I gotta aks a question. Are some women not right in the head? I just got back from youtube, an interview on the National with Wendy Mesley.....the interviewee(woman) having written a book about single women these days starts answering Wendy Mesleys questions with examples from fiction books, sitcoms and movies. That would be funny if it wasn't so sad. Carry on.
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Neil_V said:
Oh we're talking serious relationships... Got confused with the thread title :cool:

As for common law, it is different as you maintain legal right to the property you brought into the relationship, and the property you can prove you bought yourself; keep those receipts
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I guess that's why a lot of other people haven't taken the bait:D
 
I've been in relationships where I've lived with them. Once broken up I just split and let them have everything that wasn't personal. Why go through the effort, if you want the bed we shared, go ahead!

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