jokes

A guy is getting a haircut, when a kid walks in, the barber says to the customer that's the dumbest kid you'll see, the customer asks why and the barber says watch, so he shows the boy 1 dollar in one hand and 2 quarters in the other hand, he says to the boy, what one do you want, and the boy takes the 2 quarters and walks out. Later that day the customer see's the boy coming out of the ice cream store and says to the boy, I saw you at the barbers and he offered you 1 dollar in one hand and 2 quarters in the other, why would you take the 2 quarters, the boy answers if I take the dollar the game is over.
 
Haven't seen a squid post in a long, long time.
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Two potatoes standing on a street corner. How do you know which one is the prostitute?












The one that has a sticker "Idaho".

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What kind of animals can operate an MRI machine?




Cats can.

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[FONT=&quot]A man goes to a whorehouse but he only has $2... so they tell him "go to the last room upstairs, we have a dead hooker". So he goes upstairs and comes back down a while later and they asked him how it was. "It was fine... the only problem was that her nose kept running."[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"Oh, she's probably full."[/FONT]


[FONT=&quot]- Gilbert Gottfried[/FONT]
 
Potential new rider:

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Florida has the largest soft drink sizes in all of the US. But which state has the smallest?
Why, Mini soda, of course.

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What do you call a nosy pepper?



Jalapeno Business.
 
This from a resident of Ft. Myers, Florida: The other day I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read: "I miss Chicago."

So, I broke out a window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires and left a note that read, "I hope this helps!"
 
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Shouldn't she be happier? ?
(Aorry @PrivatePilot, I know you hate the uncropped screenshots!)

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I`ll keep it going for you Joe.

True story...........


Who says cops don't have a sense of humor

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write
anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or
I'll give you another ticket."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign
here."
 
Oh that last one is a doozy! ?

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My brother sent me this text last week:

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck mistakes your leg for a piece of wood?
Please respond quickly
Losing blood fast

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Joe Bass said:
My brother sent me this text last week:

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck mistakes your leg for a piece of wood?
Please respond quickly
Losing blood fast

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Click to expand...

No bloody idea. Ooooooooooppppppppppppssssssssssss. Tooooooooo late. Bye Bye. Nice knowing you Joe.
 
Why did the egg cross the road?
















To get to the Shell station.
(Ethanol free ftw)

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I admit. That was not very funny. Wouldn`t you know. ADD ON> My joke not yours Joe.

Last one. Have a great day. :-)

ITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK:

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.
 
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