ItIsWhatItIs
Banned
No interest? Why does your avatar have her mouth open?
|
|
|
family tensions
- Thread starter highflyer
- Start date
No interest? Why does your avatar have her mouth open?
viper84737
Well-known member
The old addage is "you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone" and I retort with "you can appreciate anything you want anytime you become aware of its value to you".
I never lived to honor my parents' wishes, and instead have always done my own thing from a very young age. Still to this day other people's views don't affect my actions. I used to disrespect and have contempt towards my parents even in my earlier adult life for not understanding me and for choosing to impose their archaic versions of reality unto mine, but now I accept it as part of who they are given their own life circumstances.
Momma's boy? Pfft, hardly.
Badass rebel? Nope, not that either.
I still visit them both periodically and encourage them to go on adventures and live life as fulfillingly as possible.
the_falcon
Well-known member
My 2 cents, 2 ways to go about it if you're independent from them. Hide it from them if you think the greif will just be to much for them to handle, or ask them simply if they want you to lead a full and happy life, to which they will say "yes... but...(insert excuse that causes them anxiety and discomfort" tell them that you understand how they feel, but that ultimately its your life, this makes you happy and you would feel a lot better if they could support you in your decision. telling them not to worry because of gear, safety training etc etc will just piss em off more.
OpenGambit
Banned
This one made me laugh.
RedDogDarren
Well-known member
She was roaring. Seriously. You would have to have been there. The little girl running around with the chainsaw was even better.
Ahaha i went to grab the sis from work last night and i told her i had intentions on taking the M1 course.
She stayed silent for the rest of the trip...
The mom will go nuts when she hears that and so will my dad...as he had an accident when he was younger while riding. He hasnt touched one since!
I'm kinda used to these kind of reactions cuz im from the typical "catholic immigrant family" where everything has to look good and be good and what not...
The worst time was probably when i came back home with half my back tattoo'ed... but they loved me too much to disown me and well.. they got used to it!
At least ive got the support of my loving girlfriend !
She stayed silent for the rest of the trip...
The mom will go nuts when she hears that and so will my dad...as he had an accident when he was younger while riding. He hasnt touched one since!
I'm kinda used to these kind of reactions cuz im from the typical "catholic immigrant family" where everything has to look good and be good and what not...
The worst time was probably when i came back home with half my back tattoo'ed... but they loved me too much to disown me and well.. they got used to it!
At least ive got the support of my loving girlfriend !
nitescream
Active member
Just come home every night when you go out with bike and family will get use to it..... Dont talk to them about "close calls". Ride safe!!
Got my bike this past Saturday and mom already use to it. She just tells me to not go over 50Km/h lol... I say "yes mom!"
Got my bike this past Saturday and mom already use to it. She just tells me to not go over 50Km/h lol... I say "yes mom!"
I had a similar experience. I had been wanting and asking for a bike since I was 12 or 13 (grew up rural) and we had sleds. My Dad bought a 4 wheeler to shut me up, but then my neighbour 2 doors down got some dirt bikes so I would ride the 4 wheeler over to his house and ride the dirt bikes. When he was 16, we both drove his DT50 on road all the time.
Cut to 17 more years, married, no kids, and I showed up at the cottage with an M1. My Mom still wouldn't believe me. When I finally got my first bike that September she said "I'm not coming out to look at it you know". She eventually is ok with it as any Mother can be. My wife and I ride together, and I no longer see her face drop when I say I am going out for a ride.
In fairness to her, August 1, 1969 my Dad got in a serious bike crash being a dummy with my Uncle's street bike at another Uncle's farm and went to the hospital to have rocks removed from his (unhelmeted) head. My older brother (and their first born) was born August 19, 1969 so you can see why she would have been troubled by all this.
A buddy of mine bought a bike and stored it at his friend's house so his Mom wouldn't find out for 2 YEARS before he sold it. He was 34 with 3 kids, and his Mom STILL doesn't know he had it! He bought another last summer and I don't know if he is still hiding it.
ABadjusterrider_5
Well-known member
My Dad stopped talking to me for 2 weeks. He was soooooo mad. Eventually he got over it. Now he doesn't even blink when I roll up on my bike with my GF.
I only read the OP's post and skimmed the 5 pages..so apologies if this is redundant.
Family, friends, partners, and people in general, worry. It's in our nature to be concerned, whether it's warrented or not, whether the worry is logical to us or not, there is concern, and by making a choice that may cause that concern to them, is not disrespecting them.
Good on you for acknowledging your mother's concern, and trying to involve her in the process. I think you have the right approach, however keep in mind that no matter what you do, that concern will likely still exist. There isn't anything you can do about those around you who are ignorant to road awareness. Whether you're walking, in a car, or on a bike, the idiot motorist still exists. Now THIS fact, will NOT comfort her.
My approach to my mother disagreeing with my decision was to just let her vent out her concern and worry, and continue riding to show her that over time, it would really be fine.
Mind you, when I first showed up on the bike in a public place thinking I'd be safe, I was mistaken...my asian mother beat me with her flip flop in the mall and screamed at me in cantonese for HOURS!!...Then I didn't hear the end of it for 2 1/2 years...6 years later, and she still asks from time to time when I"m going to get rid of it. I don't really answer and never told her about the accident. Basically the less she knows, the better. =)
Good luck finding the happy medium!
Family, friends, partners, and people in general, worry. It's in our nature to be concerned, whether it's warrented or not, whether the worry is logical to us or not, there is concern, and by making a choice that may cause that concern to them, is not disrespecting them.
Good on you for acknowledging your mother's concern, and trying to involve her in the process. I think you have the right approach, however keep in mind that no matter what you do, that concern will likely still exist. There isn't anything you can do about those around you who are ignorant to road awareness. Whether you're walking, in a car, or on a bike, the idiot motorist still exists. Now THIS fact, will NOT comfort her.
My approach to my mother disagreeing with my decision was to just let her vent out her concern and worry, and continue riding to show her that over time, it would really be fine.
Mind you, when I first showed up on the bike in a public place thinking I'd be safe, I was mistaken...my asian mother beat me with her flip flop in the mall and screamed at me in cantonese for HOURS!!...Then I didn't hear the end of it for 2 1/2 years...6 years later, and she still asks from time to time when I"m going to get rid of it. I don't really answer and never told her about the accident. Basically the less she knows, the better. =)
Good luck finding the happy medium!
iegod
Well-known member
That depends entirely on the situation, and from what I can see, is only even applicable to the initial purchase price (and even then that's questionable).
RedDogDarren
Well-known member
Has anyone in your family ever gotten into a fender bender? Are they still permitted near a car?
PeteZephyr
Member
my family is usually pretty supportive of anything I want to do.
dad saw the bike for the first time over the weekend, said he was (and I quote) "both elated and terrified at the same time"
dad saw the bike for the first time over the weekend, said he was (and I quote) "both elated and terrified at the same time"
dont wanna be rude but its like comparing apples to oranges.
removing rocks from a head and a fender bender dont really have the same emotional effect on someone.
mostly on a pregnant-emotional-grenade woman
i kinda understand your point though, meaning 'its not because there was a minor accident while you were driving a car that you will stop driving a car'
removing rocks from a head and a fender bender dont really have the same emotional effect on someone.
mostly on a pregnant-emotional-grenade woman
i kinda understand your point though, meaning 'its not because there was a minor accident while you were driving a car that you will stop driving a car'
RedDogDarren
Well-known member
That's a perfect response.
Guys, I never intended for this to spiral into a flame war. My thanks to those who gave me useful answers that I can ponder about.
Well, I'm going ahead with the whole process. I bought all my gear and I'm ready to take the safety course. I told my mother so she knows what I'm thinking of doing, and she knows that I'd go ahead even if she doesn't approve. I understand now that she will never approve of my decision and she will never be able to provide me with the support I seek, but I can live with that. I'm not seeking any sort of acceptance from her; I just want her to understand my decision and ease her into coping with the choices I've made. At least now she knows where I'm at, rather than having to receive a call one day telling her that her son was in a serious motorcycle accident.
On a lighter note, I'm likely going to be purchasing a bike in the next week or so. I'm thinking of just leaving my bike near where I live. I'm not sure if I should go visit my mom with a motorcycle or just take transit. That's a question for another day. Anyway, I'm pretty excited about this!
One final note, I can't understand the reasoning behind those who say "move out and f' the world". I may be young (23), but I've been financially independent of my family since going to university (thanks to my co-op placements). Just because I have the money and freedom (and apparently immortality) to do whatever I want does not mean I should f' the world. When I'm dead, I won't care because I won't know it. The people around me will have to deal with the steaming pile of crap that I've left behind, and as a mature person who care about those who love me, I don't want them to get hurt. Don't be selfish and only think about what YOU want to do and ignore other people's feelings. The world does not revolve around you.
Well, I'm going ahead with the whole process. I bought all my gear and I'm ready to take the safety course. I told my mother so she knows what I'm thinking of doing, and she knows that I'd go ahead even if she doesn't approve. I understand now that she will never approve of my decision and she will never be able to provide me with the support I seek, but I can live with that. I'm not seeking any sort of acceptance from her; I just want her to understand my decision and ease her into coping with the choices I've made. At least now she knows where I'm at, rather than having to receive a call one day telling her that her son was in a serious motorcycle accident.
On a lighter note, I'm likely going to be purchasing a bike in the next week or so. I'm thinking of just leaving my bike near where I live. I'm not sure if I should go visit my mom with a motorcycle or just take transit. That's a question for another day. Anyway, I'm pretty excited about this!
One final note, I can't understand the reasoning behind those who say "move out and f' the world". I may be young (23), but I've been financially independent of my family since going to university (thanks to my co-op placements). Just because I have the money and freedom (and apparently immortality) to do whatever I want does not mean I should f' the world. When I'm dead, I won't care because I won't know it. The people around me will have to deal with the steaming pile of crap that I've left behind, and as a mature person who care about those who love me, I don't want them to get hurt. Don't be selfish and only think about what YOU want to do and ignore other people's feelings. The world does not revolve around you.
Last edited:
My Great Grandfather, my Grandfather, my Father, their brothers, every able body male (Some females) in my family ride a motorcycle or have ridden a motorcycle. Because of such a linear hobby; I was riding dirt bikes since I was 9 or 10. Yet, when it came to me riding on the street, my mother freaked!
My mother was over protective and annoying; getting me me planted on only dirt roads for 3 years. When I finally got my M2, my other family members showed support telling my mother street riding's risks are not that "high". They even educated her in the "greater" risk of dirt bikes. Hahaha
What I am trying to get at, intervene your mothers ideals with support from family members that ride or close friends of your mother's.
My mother was over protective and annoying; getting me me planted on only dirt roads for 3 years. When I finally got my M2, my other family members showed support telling my mother street riding's risks are not that "high". They even educated her in the "greater" risk of dirt bikes. Hahaha
What I am trying to get at, intervene your mothers ideals with support from family members that ride or close friends of your mother's.
Sabex
Well-known member
RedDogDarren
Well-known member
Chocolate for me.
|
|
|
|
|