I occasionally work with a guy who is not the principle bread winner. If the kid is sick he stays home. If the kid needs a ride to school he arrives late at the job site and leaves early. It's an eye opener to woman's equality which I find interesting because we tend to see so little of it. He works in a construction related field, not a bastion of femininity so he causes problems. He is also not without attitude which IMO is the bigger problem.
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Curious about side hustles around here.
- Thread starter mimico_polak
- Start date
Mad Mike
Well-known member
Some of that happened to my wife, the IT work she was doing when we decided she could stay home had changed so much over the 12 years at home, and with 3 kids and a husband who was out of the country 50% of the time there was no chance for her to keep a toe in the water. There were no MLM / Amway / Avon Lady thoughts when the kids went back to school. Instead, she started up a mail-order business selling quality children's oriented fabric to moms who liked to sew clothes for kids - a skill and knowledge base she picked up as a stay-at-home mom. That took off like a rocket and she was back to the big $six inside 2 years, then she needed me to help run the thing.
I have a few other friends that did the same. While it's true that a career gets shelved to stay home, it's also true that the type of people who can get a progressive career can also get back in the game relatively quickly. Maybe not the same game, but I'm taking a career pro who stayed at home for 15 years over a 15-year veteran McD store manager.
I think I'd be mad at myself for giving up using my education. As other have said - after awhile these women are out of the loop or have no plans on going back to work.
It wouldn't be the loss of income, more the loss of ' what if I was brilliant at my career I studied for'
Most of them are probably great moms.
It wouldn't be the loss of income, more the loss of ' what if I was brilliant at my career I studied for'
Most of them are probably great moms.
My Mom studied medicine. When us little runts came along she gave up work and stayed home for 12 years to raise us. I’m the youngest, so once I was 8, she went back to the books and passed the Canadian exams and became a family doctor here.
As a kid it’s good to see your Mom working and setting that example of how to work hard, achieve your goals, etc.
But there is a ton of things that don’t get taught which I had to learn the hard way, which leaves a lot more to chance when it comes to the safety of your kids and how they will turn out overall.
One of our friends gave up her work when baby #1 came…once baby #3 hit 10 years old she decided to get into real estate as an agent due to boredom.
Turns out she’s damn good at it. Very busy and always has a listing or buyer that she’s working with. She did her first commercial property sale with us, and that helped her as well. Glad it worked out for her as a lot of agents don’t make it.
Turns out she’s damn good at it. Very busy and always has a listing or buyer that she’s working with. She did her first commercial property sale with us, and that helped her as well. Glad it worked out for her as a lot of agents don’t make it.
Different times call for different measures.
These days, wage stagnation against a rising cost of living is quantifiable and documented. A family that could have gotten by on one salary "back in the day", may need two incomes just to put a roof over their head and food on the table. Seems like today, a stay-at-home parent has turned into a sign of affluence and a bit of a status symbol.
Ya ya, what do I know - we have neither incomes nor kids...
These days, wage stagnation against a rising cost of living is quantifiable and documented. A family that could have gotten by on one salary "back in the day", may need two incomes just to put a roof over their head and food on the table. Seems like today, a stay-at-home parent has turned into a sign of affluence and a bit of a status symbol.
Ya ya, what do I know - we have neither incomes nor kids...
In my experience (which admittedly is not broad) it also correlates reasonably well with the working partner either have a huge income or an ok income and a defined benefit pension plan. Not needing to save from your take home money for retirement helps. Being eligible for pension at 55 helps. If you got behind, a few more years of working fixes it and you still retire by 60 (or retire, collect pension and go back to work on contract to really throw coal in the fire).
I get that opinion, I'm not convinced. If you stopped working would you have made full use of your education? No. Was it wasted? In most cases not at all. Aside from the relationships and mind-expansion that your education gave you, it also provided you the start you needed in adulting. Would you have connected with your significant other if you were not working in a job that pushed your abilities? Did you earn enough money while you were working to cover education costs and lost-opportunity costs for that time? If so, I would argue you are back to even financially and ahead mentally and socially. Tons of engineers never do any engineering. They go to finance or law or sales. Is their degree wasted? Would they have achieved the same career success without it?
There are a few more aspects that people rarely plug into the initial stay at home equation.....
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Of course it is up to each couple. Just keep in mind finding good care will bring your kids up as well or better than mommy or daddy at home. Just some minor benefits each way with respect to the kids.
Another interesting thing we actually see. Many stay at home mothers tend to have a big chip on their shoulders when it comes to working mothers. I don't think it is always a conscious thing and it is not all of them.... jealousy of someone raising kids, working, having a life outside the home, plus having their own money (not an "allowance").... I am sure some shade gets thrown the other way but I rarely see it. The day to day social circles will trend towards their own group. Stay at home fathers IDK.
- Divorce, now one spouse has been out of work for a decade plus and they now need to get a job. The other spouse will also be forking over large cash as the former spouse has no job or low pay (both lose). I know quite a few in this group....
- Death or other issue, sure we all have insurance but is it really enough to carry the family with no income?
- Job loss, what is the main bread winner loses their job or is reorged out and it takes an extended period of time to get back in, and maybe at a lower income. That second professional income will go a long way to bridge the gap (albeit with serious belt tightening).
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Of course it is up to each couple. Just keep in mind finding good care will bring your kids up as well or better than mommy or daddy at home. Just some minor benefits each way with respect to the kids.
Another interesting thing we actually see. Many stay at home mothers tend to have a big chip on their shoulders when it comes to working mothers. I don't think it is always a conscious thing and it is not all of them.... jealousy of someone raising kids, working, having a life outside the home, plus having their own money (not an "allowance").... I am sure some shade gets thrown the other way but I rarely see it. The day to day social circles will trend towards their own group. Stay at home fathers IDK.
Mad Mike
Well-known member
It was that way for a lot of stay at home parents way back too. The difference is a lot of them were able to take in a few neighbourhood kids, picking up $300-400/week -- which closed the gap between a regular pay cheque and daycare. That income was not taxed, it was always treated like an honorarium as long as you weren't running a large scale day care center out of your house.
If a parent stayed home today and picked up $150/week x 3 kids + saved $1500/mo on daycare per child, I'm sure many would close enough of the paycheque gap to make it work.
Mad Mike
Well-known member
I'm in a similar position, when I do something on the side it's more about filling my time or taking a stupid amount of money for a few hours work.
Pre-Covid I did a little facilitating -- the most fun were a few weekends teaching gov't workers how to deliver basic customer service.
My parents split up and my mother raised my brother and myself by herself on a minimal wage, pre subsidized housing and food banks. There were ton of things I had to learn on my own.
Watch an episode of Leave It To Beaver and then watch it again with all references to the dad removed. The dialogue is basically "Eat your supper".
I recently found a ton of relatives in New Zealand and it turned out my dad did some amazing things once he got his head straightened out. I'm sworn to secrecy due to some sensitive feelings.
On the bright side of things I have survived without becoming a convict or politician.
My three requirements for a side job: 1) I really like the person. 2) The job is really interesting and challenging. 3) It pays a ton of money. I need at least 1 1/2 points.
#3 is interesting. What is a ton of money if you are satisfied with life? Building to that point uses stepping stones but at some point you want the quantum leap. I have no problem with making a few hundred dollars when it's convenient but I'm, at this point, not ready to upset my personal schedule for a non quantum amount.
Wall Street hates content people.
Mad Mike
Well-known member
Stupid money is relative, but generally comes with work that requires a great deal of expertise and few capable people. A fellow dad from my kids hockey team was a staff architect for a production builder in Toronto. He did permit drawings for basements and garages renos in Toronto. He could knock off projects each Saturday @ $1000 cash each. Good side hustle.
Before COVID, I'd deliver the odd weekend seminar for a flat rate $1000/6 hr day. I wouldn't miss an important family event or planned trip, but I might reschedule a day ride.
I'm competent with tools, not interested in renos, building sheds, or fixing vehicles for $50/hr.
Mad Mike
Well-known member
Some are seminars, some workshops. The seminars and workshops are teaching -- you deliver content that has already been designed. My specialties are team leadership, and softskills in customer service. Learners might be front line contact center reps at an insurance company, retail bank managers, or team leaders in bigger stores or call centers.
I also did some planning facilitation - that's a little tougher. Imagine 5 executives in a room with a goal to finalize their Annual Operating Budgets. They don't work for you, they all have different opinions and agendas, they are always right and the others frequently wrong. My job is to keep them to an agenda, on time, unlock logjams and help them play nice until the plan is approved.
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