bullying? i dont get it

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I was bullied in school when I was young. I moved to Canada and started mid-school year, my cloths were different and I had an accent. It was really tough making friends as social circles in class were already defined. I was picked on and the friends I had weren't close enough to care or brave enough to help.

I didn't report the bullying to anyone, I didn't want to be labelled as a tattle tail. I had problems enough making friends i didn't want to have that as a strike against me as well.

I learned two things pretty quickly at that young age: 1. to loose the accent 2. how to fight

It took a few fights where the bullies ended up with black eyes, bloody noses and missing teeth for things to settle down to a normal level. I got hauled into the principle's office for fighting and threatened with suspension because it was hard to hide the injuries. Funny thing is that the principle's office knew about the previous fights and being picked on. I don't know they're reasoning for not doing anything about it previously.

It was a life lesson. I was always taught not to start fights and walk away from arguments but to defend myself if need be. It wasn't until I started doing the last part that things improved. To this day I will not start a fight, but if someone takes a poke at me I'll make sure they never try it again.

My biggest regret today about those couple of years is losing my accent to try to fit in.
 
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I moved to Canada from Poland when I was 10 and didn't speak a word of english. I started mid-grade 4. I was a tall but super skinny kid and I was smarter and way better at math than any of the other kids my age. As a result, I was labeled as a skinny nerd (even though I never studied) and got my *** kicked regularly. I remember one birthday around grade 6 or so when I was literally scared to go outside during lunch because I remembered around 10 guys were planning on beating the crap out of me to give me my "birthday beats". Of course the teachers forced me to go outside and I literally had to run away while a mob of about 10 guys was chasing me. Of course, they eventually caught up to me and I had the whole group pounding on me while I was curled up in a fetal position. One of the kids doing the beating had the exact same birthday as me BTW.

Anyways, my English eventually got better and I made more and more friends. I was NEVER one of the "cool kids" at school but I survived. When I got to about 16 years old I decided I didn't wanna be the weakling anymore so I started hitting the gym. By the end of High School I was one of the strongest kids at my school and didn't get picked on any more. Now 10+ years later I still hit the gym regularly, look better than practically any of those guys that bullied me in the past, make more money than most of them with my Comp.Science degree (which I practically coasted through......I've never studied hard), etc. In other words, my life is pretty damn good right now. I used all that negative energy and anger to better myself instead of crying over myself and contemplating suicide. Would I be where I am today if I didn't get bullied? I honestly don't know. I'm kinda glad it happened in a way.
 
short stop said:
Here's a question (especially for those who are taking a tough-guy approach) - how many of you actually fought back and defended others from bullying? Did you ever go in and defend those physically smaller and weaker than you who couldn't fight back?
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I can tell you that I did.. Then the bully's dad went after me. I still don't regret the decision.

Edit: Roasted made a good point. Those that learn to stand up to bullies in school also learn to stand up to bullies they deal with elsewhere. Working in a customer-oriented technical field, I excel at dealing with the most difficult, abusive customers (and usually get those calls) because I simply have the skills to put them in their place. If I had the choice, I wouldn't pay the price of that education.
 
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My story is very similar to Roasted's...I arrived here from Poland when I was 9 years old, starting a grade higher mid-year...the kids were relentless. Didn't speak a word of English, was smaller at the time and just ******** all around. Then went to a different school due to parents' job...also mid-year so all the cliques were formed. Name calling, shove around, all the fun things until one day I stood up to a guy. I didn't win but I didn't lay down without a fight. High school was a bit more of the same, the other Polaks were relentless because I refused to hang with them (all drank, fought, and toked) and I studied and did my work. One day the biggest one in the school shoved me and lo and behold, the guy that I fought with in grade school beat the hell out of him. Never happened again. I was always good with all the other groups, didn't believe in the clique mentality, so hung out with each group and no issues except that one.

I don't know what it is today, but I see my little cousins and all their focus is on video games, and violent cartoons and I think it just desensitizes them to the entire thing. It's fun to fight, nothing bad comes from it, and in the games the hero fights and wins over evil. Parents need to step in and take an active part in raising their children. I understand that work gets in the way and it's tougher than ever to find the time but they need to step up. I live near my folks and we still have dinner together at least once/twice a week. Our relationship has gotten better and they've been supportive over the years. If I didn't have a steady family life, I don't know where I would end up today. It starts in the home.
 
AngelEyez said:
OMG seriously!

I saw her video. Am I the only one who thought that her suicide was really an issue of her not being able to cope with her depression?? Sure the initial bullying may have been a triggering or aggravating event for her depression but I think this massive bullying campaign kind of misses the mark. IMO her story should really inspire a campaign for awareness about depression.
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Agreed with this. While internet anonymity has created a mutant form of bullying that can get pretty damn severe, the thing that seems to be overlooked in this particular case is how she coped with it. As the victim it's pretty tough to blame her for her own suicide, but apparently she had been dealing with this for over a year (or several years? I'm too lazy to read). Where was her support system? Parents, friends, family, etc? Did she seek help? Was she on medication? If so, did that medication come with warnings about depression and/or suicide, because some of them do.

The whole focus on external bullying is misguided IMO. The problem I see is that we have an entire generation of parents who aren't teaching their kids how to deal with their own emotions. Teenagers are angsty and stupid and are emotionally vulnerable. In this day and age where a lot of families are broken, why isn't the focus on bolstering support systems to help these kids out? Why isn't kids help phone getting more money to expand their infrastructure so they can make people more aware of their services?

I eagerly wait to see what kind of ridiculously misguided legislation they come up with for this one.
 
Got bullied around a lot when I was small. Then I outgrew the bullies and they stopped.

short stop said:
Here's a question (especially for those who are taking a tough-guy approach) - how many of you actually fought back and defended others from bullying?
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I had a guy that taunted me relentlessly, verbally not physically. So one day when our class was on a school trip, he was being extra obnoxious since adult supervision was at a minimum. I snapped and gave him a swift kick to his arse. All my friends saw and and cheered, I was a total hero.
 
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sircastic said:
My biggest regret today about those couple of years is losing my accent to try to fit in.
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U know how much chicks u can pick up with that accent?

I have an accent for those who know me. The only problem I get is when people don't understand me. But I"m not gonna be somebody who I'm not.

As for the bully. This what lead to shootings then suicide. Only people who have been bullied will know what it is to be bullied. I am generally not a violent person but sometimes a swift punch/kick to the face translates in many cultures. What i've learnt is, it's not the size of the person, but the size of the fight you're willing to bring to a bully. Most bullies are cowards, they chose a target who they know will not fight back or try to defend themselves because they might be scared of the repercussions.

Oh yeah OP, its not the person who is being bullied has crappy parents, its the bullies who have a messed up family and try to displace that unto somebody. My parents were not educated and they immigrated from another country where their native language is no English. You're lucky your parents were able communicated the matter to the Principal. Not everyone is as lucky as you are.

Sent from my tablet using my paws
 
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This video has a good description of what corporate bullying can be:

[video=youtube;NiIMqSqabGs]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiIMqSqabGs[/video]
 
AngelEyez said:
OMG seriously!

I saw her video. Am I the only one who thought that her suicide was really an issue of her not being able to cope with her depression?? Sure the initial bullying may have been a triggering or aggravating event for her depression but I think this massive bullying campaign kind of misses the mark. IMO her story should really inspire a campaign for awareness about depression.
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Oh, you mean we will another ribbon.
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short stop said:
This.

The internet has allowed bullying to flourish in the ugliest of possible ways. The fact that people are STILL posting hateful comments on Amanda Todd's memorial page after her death is an indication of the shittiness of people. When given the convenience and relative anonymity of the internet, people will resort to ugly and cruel behaviour. It's truly sick and disturbing.



IMO, if you are someone who bullies others your parents 'kinda failed you'.

Here's a question (especially for those who are taking a tough-guy approach) - how many of you actually fought back and defended others from bullying? Did you ever go in and defend those physically smaller and weaker than you who couldn't fight back?
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Yes, I pointed that out already.
Based on the stories thus far it seems that once people fought back it stopped.
I think because you sent a clear message that if you mess with me, you may hurt me but I will also fight back and you will be hurt as well.

Cyber-bullying is just a shift and an extension.
How can your kids be taunted in YOUR house and you have no clue.
It means the parents are clueless in their own homes just as they are in real life.

How to stop Cyber-bullying:
 
Bullying only seems to take a kid down, when they feel helpless about the situation. As a parent, you have to let them deal with the small stuff on their own, they need to be able to solve some things them selves. But, when it's affecting the kid every waking moment, you have to step in. You have to be aware of changes, that's part of being a parent, being in tune. My kids were never bullied, did have to settle some things on their own, but they knew that if someone was trying to take them down it would be stopped, that they weren't in it alone. Seems neither parent had Amanda Todd's back.
 
bullying exists everywhere, those with real or perceived power will exercise it against those with less power, in school, work, church,... been happening forever and will continue. This does not mean it is right. Where it completely crosses over is when is becomes an onslaught of tormenting others. "Bullies" cannot control when this line is crossed as it is based on the receipient phsyche alone and differnent people have different at which this point will be crossed.

When this point is crossed, peoples reactions will all differ, some will wither, some will lash out and in the case of the recent young lady, she chose a most tragic escape route. Sort of a fight or flight analogy.

I have too kids, a daughter who did suffer some bullying in school, and we supported her where needed, always encouraged her to address things in the correct manner when needed. She didn't always deal with things in the ways I would deem correct, but her and I are different people, I am much stronger willed then she is. My son is just a year younger then Amanda Todd, and I unfortunately see, as we monitor his facebook occasionally etc, so many kids around this age that put themselves out on social media seeking validation. It's as if so few kids these days seem to have a strong sense of self worth. It really does make me sad as a parent. Luckily my son is like me an fairly strong willed, he is not the most popular kid nor does he care to be. He fortunately validates himself for himself.

What I have witnessed in the past days that I find disturbing is how many kids around his age are making what I deem as inappropriate remarks about the girl, calling her a celebrity status seeker, I don't think this girl has received any celebrity, but is seen as rather tragic.

It is truly sad that not everbody has the same social/parental safety net to teach right/wrong. I would much rather read about many other "news" stories then this one
 
suzuki2000 said:
My son is just a year younger then Amanda Todd, and I unfortunately see, as we monitor his facebook occasionally etc, so many kids around this age that put themselves out on social media seeking validation. It's as if so few kids these days seem to have a strong sense of self worth. It really does make me sad as a parent. Luckily my son is like me an fairly strong willed, he is not the most popular kid nor does he care to be. He fortunately validates himself for himself.
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I think you've pretty much hit the nail on the head. It's the kids that base their self image on external factors and the opinions of others that are in the biggest danger of being affected by this kind of bullying. It's the typical girls posting skanky pictures of themselves on fb and their ego feeding off all the "likes" and comments or boys doing the same and posting pics of their abs or their new car awaiting positive comments. They seek outside approval and praise and when they don't get it they feel worthless or they even fall into depression when instead of praise they receive negative comments and harassment. Congrats, your kids don't fall into that category. Chances are, you're a good parent, and maybe a little lucky.
 
That's assuming the bullying doesn't get physical, of course. If it does, then no amount of self-esteem is gonna fix black eyes and busted noses any quicker.
 
If computer classes actually taught students about keeping information private on the internet and not running certain unknown files (mostly .exe files) on their own computers, many issues can be avoided. Took a look around FB and realized how many people are not educated in internet security.

There were open profiles, cellphone numbers, full first and last names, school names, current jobs, which results enough information to gain access to their account using exploits that can be found easily on google. With this type of information, you can also easily figure out exactly where the person lives. It has been made public of making facebook profiles more private and not putting as much information on it but people tend to ignore it cause they don't know of the consequences until it happens to them.

Back in high school, I used to troll people who posted their cellphone number on open profiles by sending them (free) texts through the internet... sh**s and giggles...

Also, I don't think most bullies would consider their act as bullying.. They would think of their actions more as dicking around or having fun (unless its physical of course).
 
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PLau said:
If computer classes actually taught students about keeping information private on the internet and not running certain unknown files (mostly .exe files) on their own computers, many issues can be avoided. Took a look around FB and realized how many people are not educated in internet security.

There were open profiles, cellphone numbers, full first and last names, school names, current jobs, which results enough information to gain access to their account using exploits that can be found easily on google. With this type of information, you can also easily figure out exactly where the person lives. It has been made public of making facebook profiles more private and not putting as much information on it but people tend to ignore it cause they don't know of the consequences until it happens to them.

Back in high school, I used to troll people who posted their cellphone number on open profiles by sending them (free) texts through the internet... sh**s and giggles...

Also, I don't think most bullies would consider their act as bullying.. They would think of their actions more as dicking around or having fun.
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[h=1]'If you don't use Facebook, you're nobody'[/h]http://www.voices-of-the-world.org/community/if-you-don-t-use-facebook-you-re-nobody/
 
I was bullied/picked on in school because, at the time, I was one of the smaller guys. Growing up in the North, you learn that you need to take matters in your own hands so I did what people least expected; I straight out cold cocked anyone who bothered me. I have to laugh looking back on it because it never got me anything more than a warning from the principal. The bullying, BTW, pretty much stopped.

Now that I have kids, I get a front row seat to how school boards say one thing to but choose to do everything to sweep things under the rug. At my older son's school, there's one "posse" who's parents are either teachers or employees for the school board. They, for a few years, were bullying a bunch of kids in my son's class (including my son a bit, at first). The school chose to do nothing because of the parents of the bully's. The same kids started picking on my son who stood up for himself by pushing back. My son got a warning and I was asked to call the principal (or the vp, can't remember). Ooooo, the principle! Not the principal!

So I had a nice conversation with her trying to keep my anger and disdain to a minimum. I told her of the other kids being bullied by the same group, including one girl who broke down in front of my wife when talking about it (apparently, it was brutal). I told her that nothing had been done about it for years and she was directly responsible. I kid you not, I told her that I was proud of my son for standing up to the group of bullies and told her that, not only was I not going to discipline my son for his infraction, he had my full approval to knock every single one of them on their arses using whatever means necessary. She (the VP or principal) had a choice: either stop the bullying now or wait for a dust up that was sure to come. She chose the former. My son told me that when asked for those bullied to come forward, more than half the class did and many of them were crying. Pretty sad.

What do I think should be done about bullying in general? I don't think you can legislate any meaning change. None of it will be taken seriously. The people being bullied need to express their dissatisfaction verbally to the appropriate people then, if change isn't affected, perhaps take things to a physical level. The person bullying won't change if all they have to say are some words that sound like an apology, they'll walk out and keep on doing their thing.
 
homme de fer said:
I was bullied/picked on in school because, at the time, I was one of the smaller guys. Growing up in the North, you learn that you need to take matters in your own hands so I did what people least expected; I straight out cold cocked anyone who bothered me. I have to laugh looking back on it because it never got me anything more than a warning from the principal. The bullying, BTW, pretty much stopped.

Now that I have kids, I get a front row seat to how school boards say one thing to but choose to do everything to sweep things under the rug. At my older son's school, there's one "posse" who's parents are either teachers or employees for the school board. They, for a few years, were bullying a bunch of kids in my son's class (including my son a bit, at first). The school chose to do nothing because of the parents of the bully's. The same kids started picking on my son who stood up for himself by pushing back. My son got a warning and I was asked to call the principal (or the vp, can't remember). Ooooo, the principle! Not the principal!

So I had a nice conversation with her trying to keep my anger and disdain to a minimum. I told her of the other kids being bullied by the same group, including one girl who broke down in front of my wife when talking about it (apparently, it was brutal). I told her that nothing had been done about it for years and she was directly responsible. I kid you not, I told her that I was proud of my son for standing up to the group of bullies and told her that, not only was I not going to discipline my son for his infraction, he had my full approval to knock every single one of them on their arses using whatever means necessary. She (the VP or principal) had a choice: either stop the bullying now or wait for a dust up that was sure to come. She chose the former. My son told me that when asked for those bullied to come forward, more than half the class did and many of them were crying. Pretty sad.

What do I think should be done about bullying in general? I don't think you can legislate any meaning change. None of it will be taken seriously. The people being bullied need to express their dissatisfaction verbally to the appropriate people then, if change isn't affected, perhaps take things to a physical level. The person bullying won't change if all they have to say are some words that sound like an apology, they'll walk out and keep on doing their thing.
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The bold statement is 100% correct. You parents need to get your *** into your kids school. Just drop by sometimes.
Drop by around lunchtime and stay out of sight while observing the play area during lunchtime. There is next to no adult supervision.
They leave about 2-5 Teacher's Aid to "watch" 300-600 kids.

Have a look they no longer want you to say Work to Rule so they tell you to say Job Action.
The TDSB is the biggest joke and scam we got going in this city. I am amazed how many of you parents are in the dark.
 
FiReSTaRT said:
That's assuming the bullying doesn't get physical, of course. If it does, then no amount of self-esteem is gonna fix black eyes and busted noses any quicker.
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Hence why I said "this kind of bullying"....meaning attacks on facebook. I agree that the physical stuff is a different story.
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