30 is an extremely BORRING age to be, Marriage rant

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Roasted

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Was just thinking this the other day and I thought I'd share my thoughts to see if anyone can relate to this.

I'm 30 years old, unmarried, no kids,...I have a pretty decent job, make decent money though I'm not ballin' by any means. I have a gf but I'm not even thinking about marriage or kids. I'm just enjoying the company of another person and that's it for me. It seems like this is the age where everyone and their mother is starting to get married though. The prognosis seems like for the next bunch of years my social life will basically consist of engagement party this, wedding shower that, wedding that, wedding planning this, wedding this that, tara lala bing bong. People are getting engaged left right and centre and everyone acts like it's the best thing that has ever happened to them, and congratulating them like crazy. The girls are pissing themselves in excitement, etc. Meanwhile, like half of those people you know have been dating for like 6 months or less and some are even getting married cause someone got drunk and forgot to use a condom. Hell, some of the couples getting married I KNOW one of them have cheated on the other at some point. At least some of these people are clearly making a huge mistake and I can't possibly be the only person thinking this but of course no one is saying anything and everything is just happy happy joy joy. Seriously, the whole world deserves an oscar for the performance. Or are people really that naive?

On the other hand you've got the couples that have been together for a bazillion years. They are finally pulling the plug and getting hitched. Good for them and they will most likely be happy together as they have been for years already. Can't say anything negative there but this news is never really surprising, or particularly exciting. Just seems like a formality and one of their last name changes and that's about it. *yawn* Don't get me wrong, though, I think these people are doing it right but what are we really celebrating anyways? The fact that your buddy will dissapear off the face off the earth for the next 3-4 years while he's fixing the house and raising a baby?

Anyways, this whole wedding season business is only just starting for me and quite frankly I'm ALREADY sick of it. Honestly, i rather sit at home and watch tv than be dragged to another engagemnt party where we play another round of "let's make the single people feel like ****, and the guys in relationships like they've got a gun to their head" (seriously, i dunno what's worse, beign single at a wedding or being with a chick). Anyways, next weekend my gf's brother is getting married and I'm away on business so i can't attend. I will most likely be sitting by myself watching a seinfeld rerun in my underwear on the other side of the globe and honestly, I couldnt' be happier with the errangement. Almost wish I could sleep through the next 5 years so I could get to the part where eveyone is done with this silliness. Luckily I still have some younger friends I can hang out with to escape from this.
 
LOL.

Hitched for 26.5 years so far. Enjoy your life as you see fit. Sometimes I ponder what it would be like to be single again - listening to my friends "weekend adventures", but when I come home to an empty house I know it's not what I really want.
 
It's funny that what you describe will happen in your 30's used to happen in people's 20's. Things have shifted. People are taking longer to get into the marriage thing these days.

I was like you 10 years ago. Girlfriend. No kids or serious plans. I knew that I wanted to get married and have kids but I was in no hurry. 10 years later I'm living in the burbs with a wife, two kids and a mortgage. Things can change fast.

Here's my advice from what I've learned:

Take your time with the girlfriend. Make sure she understands this. All pressure just melts away and you'll just laugh off those comments at parties.

Marry for the right reasons. Love is only one of them.

Take your girlfriend camping. You must be able to work together effectively as a team and camping is an activity that can help determine if you work well together. There must be good communication, role definitions and assignment of duties. "I'll get the tent setup if you can start on dinner." Who steers the canoe? Paddling works best if it's done in unison. Can you paddle together? If you can't work together to portage a canoe then how can you possibly expect to raise a family together. As in life, there can be hardships in camping. It might rain. You might get lost. You might have an accident. How you deal with these situations together? Can you still manage to function together as a team after a long day of canoeing in the rain? These will be defining moments in your relationship and if you can get back home without killing each other then you may consider marriage. ;-)

Don't be fooled by those who say that compatibility is the key in a good marriage. Differences are what make things interesting. Living with someone who is just like you would be boring and wouldn't necessarily ensure that you'd always get along. Instead, look for someone who is able to communicate and compromise on your differences. The ability to talk rationally and work things out is way more important than whether or not you like the same music.

If you think your 30's are going to suck, wait until your 40's. That's the decade when all those people that got married for the wrong reasons get divorced.

Encourage any friend that is planning a lavish wedding to take the money that they were going to spend on hosting a gala event at some overpriced wedding hall to feed 200 friends and relatives and spend it on a trip for two and get married on a beach somewhere instead. You'll have far more to share in the memories and experiences and maybe even some money left over. Weddings are stupid expensive.

Politely declined wedding invites from all but only your closest friends and relatives. They invited you because they felt obligated to do so but the cost of the wedding increases with every guest so they are secretly hoping that you have something else to do that weekend.

If you must attend a wedding, do not bring a gift in the form of something you think they'll need. It will most likely get returned or regifted. Give money instead. At least $100 per person for you and your 'plus one' as that is what your presence is going to cost them.

Just my 2 cents.
 
I was married at 24. Had my first kid 6 months later. Now I'm 48, my kids are 23 and 21 and both living away and i'm still young enough to enjoy my life. My opinion is that if you don't have kids by the time you're 35 then it's getting a bit late for you to be around to see and appreciate grandchildren. But it all depends on what you're thing is.

As for the wedding season and the hypocrisy of some weddings? Well, you can almost guarantee it's the girls who are pushing the agenda along. They want big weddings. They want to be the centre of attention. When the dust settles and they look at what they're married to that's when it hits home. I just don't think marriage means what it's meant to anymore. It's just another thing to do. If you don't mean it, don't do it. And you're reluctance to attend weddings is because you're either a) frightened your girlfriend will catch the fever and start bugging the **** out of you or b) you hate the hypocrisy and sham of the whole thing.

There's nothing wrong with your situation and the way you feel about it. You're asking yourself the tough questions and as long as you can stand by the answers in a few years time, then you're good to go.

My track riding mates are 51, single with girlfriend, no intention of getting married. 34 single with girlfriend, and 35 married, no kids and no intention of having them. If you're bored at 30 then come to the track with us. We have a laugh and enjoy our riding.

As regards compatability? It's like dude ^^^^ upstairs says, my wife has no interest in riding or even coming to the track. She has her own things I have no interest in. We have mutual friends and we have our own friends. From the outside in it may appear we live seperate lives. But we spend a greta amount of time together and are extremely comfortable with each other. After nearly 24 years of marriage we can still take a weeks vacation together and spend the week together without feelling the need to meet other people.
 
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I watched a lot of my friends and co workers get married over the last 20 years and few are still married. I stayed single, never had kids and have had the same GF for almost 8 years now (Aug). We are both career oriented individuals that live apart due to our jobs so there was really never any point. I'm finished my 20 year contract very soon but extending it a few years so we retire at the same time. I'll get married when we finally live together but kids are out of the question. Never had an interest in them.

My (still) married friends say their kids were the best thing that ever happened to them and I can see that. It just wasn't for me.

I have a wedding coming up this summer I have to go to wishing I had a way out of it like you do. I'll buy a suit that I may wear a few times before it's outdated, buy a gift, sit through the whole thing and "wish them all the best" and then we will leave and play how long do you figure that will last?

Do what you want to do. In this day and age it's not uncommon to skip that part of life if it's not for you.

Remember.....

family_decals.png
 
Thirties can be boring. I have watched all of my friends go through wedding planning and then having kids and I am sick to death of it. I'm not a very traditional person and although I did get married I managed to convince my italian in laws into having a small backyard wedding. It seems like everything now revolves around kids and home improvements. I honestly believe a lot of people get married and have kids because they are bored. Most of my friends are into the "mommy phase" and I find it irritating. They get short hair cuts and wear mom jeans, get fat, make crafts all day with their kids and plan what they will make in their crock pots for dinner. I couldn't be around it anymore and I have kids myself. So I found some new friends. I think a big problem is that most of them seem so judgmental if you are not in the same mindset as them. Good news is when they hit about forty some of them snap out of it.
 
To the op your problem is you have too many friends. Stay at home and watch tv all by your self. You'd be a lot happier
 
Roasted said:
Was just thinking this the other day and I thought I'd share my thoughts to see if anyone can relate to this.

I'm 30 years old, unmarried, no kids,...I have a pretty decent job, make decent money though I'm not ballin' by any means. I have a gf but I'm not even thinking about marriage or kids. I'm just enjoying the company of another person and that's it for me. It seems like this is the age where everyone and their mother is starting to get married though. The prognosis seems like for the next bunch of years my social life will basically consist of engagement party this, wedding shower that, wedding that, wedding planning this, wedding this that, tara lala bing bong. People are getting engaged left right and centre and everyone acts like it's the best thing that has ever happened to them, and congratulating them like crazy. The girls are pissing themselves in excitement, etc. Meanwhile, like half of those people you know have been dating for like 6 months or less and some are even getting married cause someone got drunk and forgot to use a condom. Hell, some of the couples getting married I KNOW one of them have cheated on the other at some point. At least some of these people are clearly making a huge mistake and I can't possibly be the only person thinking this but of course no one is saying anything and everything is just happy happy joy joy. Seriously, the whole world deserves an oscar for the performance. Or are people really that naive?

On the other hand you've got the couples that have been together for a bazillion years. They are finally pulling the plug and getting hitched. Good for them and they will most likely be happy together as they have been for years already. Can't say anything negative there but this news is never really surprising, or particularly exciting. Just seems like a formality and one of their last name changes and that's about it. *yawn* Don't get me wrong, though, I think these people are doing it right but what are we really celebrating anyways? The fact that your buddy will dissapear off the face off the earth for the next 3-4 years while he's fixing the house and raising a baby?

Anyways, this whole wedding season business is only just starting for me and quite frankly I'm ALREADY sick of it. Honestly, i rather sit at home and watch tv than be dragged to another engagemnt party where we play another round of "let's make the single people feel like ****, and the guys in relationships like they've got a gun to their head" (seriously, i dunno what's worse, beign single at a wedding or being with a chick). Anyways, next weekend my gf's brother is getting married and I'm away on business so i can't attend. I will most likely be sitting by myself watching a seinfeld rerun in my underwear on the other side of the globe and honestly, I couldnt' be happier with the errangement. Almost wish I could sleep through the next 5 years so I could get to the part where eveyone is done with this silliness. Luckily I still have some younger friends I can hang out with to escape from this.
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Anyone that cuts you off when they get marrried was never your friend. I agree with you the whole thing is annoying with the engagements and weddings and the baby announcements, people think all their little milestones are so important when in reality as you are showing and being honest about, no one gives a ****.
i went through what you are going through, my advice is turn down all wedding ,engagement and baby crap Invites . People will remember you more for not going then for showing up at their lame event. They will then keep inviting you over and over to every event they have. The more you turndown the more they will make you the focal point and keep inviting you. Works for me and my wife! also, as the friend with free time and no kids you will be their go to guy when they want to go do stuff as you don't have to check with your wife or arrange a babysitter or some other lame excuse. Don't focus on the sheep falling in line, enjoy your life.
 
D23 said:
I watched a lot of my friends and co workers get married over the last 20 years and few are still married. I stayed single, never had kids and have had the same GF for almost 8 years now (Aug). We are both career oriented individuals that live apart due to our jobs so there was really never any point. I'm finished my 20 year contract very soon but extending it a few years so we retire at the same time. I'll get married when we finally live together but kids are out of the question. Never had an interest in them.

My (still) married friends say their kids were the best thing that ever happened to them and I can see that. It just wasn't for me.

I have a wedding coming up this summer I have to go to wishing I had a way out of it like you do. I'll buy a suit that I may wear a few times before it's outdated, buy a gift, sit through the whole thing and "wish them all the best" and then we will leave and play how long do you figure that will last?

Do what you want to do. In this day and age it's not uncommon to skip that part of life if it's not for you.

Remember.....

family_decals.png
Click to expand...

Good for you!, funny how your still married friends say their kids were the best thing that happened to them not that their wife or husband was the best thing!
 
sonnythebull said:
Good for you!, funny how your still married friends say their kids were the best thing that happened to them not that their wife or husband was the best thing!
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In some of our darkest moments when our son was being a total arsehole I told my wife I'd rather lose him than her. I chose her. He came along. Doesn't mean I don't love him. It simply means I love her more and am prepared to stand by my decisions. Just don't tell her that!
 
Give it a couple of years. The ones who have been together forever will stop working at making things work, and split, and the ones who felt rushed to get married will end their starter marriages. Seems to take 2-3 years.
 
I find your thoughts on marriage on-par with my opinion of all this BS, but I have a different perspective of it all, based on my position: I've been with my woman now for 3 1/2 years, and I'm planning to propose to her in a few months (soon as I got that $$)... This is my last summer of my 20's too, so I feel you on the age/everyone getting married now deal. I have 6 weddings this year to attend, and 3 next year of which I or my gf will be an integral part of. The pressure on us to get married has been ASTOUNDING since we've been together, mostly because we've been together longer than most of the couples we know getting married, heh.

Yes, marriage is all about what YOU want and YOU'RE comfortable with... you need to chill out and don't let anyone else make you feel otherwise. Why would watching two people get married make you feel like crap? Are you insecure? I've known that I wanted to marry my girl from time, but there was no way in hell I was ready for that kind of involvement, and I don't think she was ready to handle the responsibility, so I waited for the right time. **** what everyone else thinks.

Personally, the actual wedding itself and the ensuing party(ies) are more for the families, and less about us: the only thing that will change is that we'll be living together afterwards. People don't get "cutoff" after being married, man; once you're married you've got two sets of family functions to attend, you've gotta work more to keep the wife happy (professionally and unprofessionally) AND if you've gotta raise kids, fuhgettaboutit; everyone gets busy cuz it's a part of life. If your friends don't understand that, then they're not very good friends.

Being single has been awesome, and if I could do it all over again, I would; but the time has passed and I'm starting to grow sick of it... I'm done with all the clubs and partying, and tryina pick-up chicks. I'm sooo tired of it and that scene is dead to me now: Time to move on, become a man and put other people (wife, family, kids, etc.) ahead of myself.

Everyone will find a time for them to move on as well; the only thing worse than growing old is not growing up.
 
Rob MacLennan said:
Give it a couple of years. The ones who have been together forever will stop working at making things work, and split, and the ones who felt rushed to get married will end their starter marriages. Seems to take 2-3 years.
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Rob you should be a marriage councellor! :)
 
cbcanada said:
Rob you should be a marriage councellor! :)
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Hey, I haven't even gotten started on the ones who skew the stats, by going through 3 or 4 marriages. "More than half of all marriages end in divorce" doesn't take into account that only maybe a third of the people are responsible for it :lol:
 
funny, I was just talking about this over the weekend. I have same feelings as OP for the most part except that I'm currently single which means everyone I know is trying to set me up so that I can join the married-and-happy crew. Those who aren't trying to set me up talk my ear off about how great it is to be married, having kids, etc... on our guys' night outs (wtf!). Not that I don't want all of that some day but it gets a bit depressing sometimes when you feel like the social outcast and every social gathering turns into a "why aren't you married yet??" intervention. Thankfully I still have a few single friends to hang out with. Riding is a great escape.
 
I'm in the same age bracket and fall into your middle paragraph category: about to get married to the woman I've been with almost a decade, and will start trying to have kids either later this year or next. And you're right: everyone else on the planet that I grew up with is doing the same thing: marriage, babies, mortgages, all those unsexy things that we either couldn't afford or thought were lame back in our twenties.

It's easy to still be cynical about it, and you're right in that it's hard to give a crap when you're getting bombarded with baby shower and wedding pictures on Facebook every day. I especially get annoyed at the mothers out there who have a photo album every time their baby burps or takes a %$^&.

Maybe these things *do* become special when they are happening to us personally. And I don't really care if other people don't give a big hoot about it. I don't have to force anyone else to share in my personal milestones if they aren't interested.
 
My family is the absolute best thing I have. Stuff doesn't mean a thing to me. I could live happily in a trailer park with my family. Money, bah. You cant take it with you when you're gone. I love my wife and kids, and nothing is as fulfilling as they are. Even my pets affection mean more to me than riches........ to me, my legacy is far important than the nest egg that gets taxed to oblivion by the gov't when I die.
 
The key is as long as your GF and yourself both are happy with your current arrangement. If there ever is a decision to marry, it's not because everyone is "doing it"


There is no "right" way. Only your way. It's your life, live it. If the GF agrees with your mind set and doesn't start dropping the hints, you're golden.
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