caboose483, of all people I've read on this thread, I think you have it most right. That isn't to say that others don't, but your name stands out in all of this, and I applaud you openly for your way of thinking.
Someone said something about a cognitive bias of people THINKING they are hit on more when they are married or in a relationship, and I think this has hit the nail on the head. Combine that with the "safe flirt" ego-pandering stuff, and that pretty much ends that question right there.
I suspect this is more a modern North American problem than anything else. Our media has taught women that single men are awful, disgusting creatures who only want to use them for their own evil sexual desires, and who are incapable of anything beyond this. Housewives of XYZ, anyone? It has also taught men that it's glorious to bed women by quantity like it's some competition to out-fukk Ghengis Khan or Ramses II. Jersey Shore, anyone? I have friends who've bedded 500-something women, and have high attractiveness to the opposite sex through a mastery of the elements of attraction to them, but beyond this, are wholly empty inside and can't maintain any semblance of a long term relationship with any of those women. Why? Psychological issues cause them to reward themselves for this kind of behavior, and they never get past this point. It isn't in their mental paradigms to even think beyond this. They are the exact type of male women are warned about and stupid men model themselves after. Do I feel more sympathy for those deceived women, many of whom thought those men were keepers, or for my associates who never get to see the beauty of love? Tough call. Throw all this together and no wonder the divorce rate is 50-something percent.
Thinking about it, none of what is described in this thread seems to have affected my own immigrant parents. Somehow my by-no-means-rich-not-too-physically-attractive-but-quite-smart-and-go-getter father put a ring on a classy woman 7 years his junior who despite being nearly 60 now looks like she's barely in her mid-late-40s, and they both love each other dearly and are best friends after 3 decades of marriage. My father STILL playfully flirts with her. Thirty plus years... do modern marriages last even 3-5? They had their rocky points along the way, and they've both had ample chances to leave the other, but they've held together better than most other couples I've seen or heard of throughout my life, despite living together and living apart for work related reasons. Why? They don't have low self-esteem and don't have an external locus of defining who they are. In layman's terms: they live life according to their own models, and not by models imposed upon them by someone else or society.
Now here's the best the best part as it relates to this thread: You're not allowed by society's model to go after what you want! If you're single and looking, which is pretty much the default condition and genetic obligation/drive of every human being, you're told the very last thing you should ever do is broadcast this to a prospective mate in any way, as it's instantly repulsive to them. Why? Because if you're single and still looking for someone after exactly 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 seconds, you're OBVIOUSLY a total loser. "He's single for a reason", right? Nope, you've got that all wrong. Modern North Americans are taught to engage in never-ending power struggles because they are psychologically weak and highly ego-dependent due to their chronic low self-esteem. "The game" is to make the other person come to you when in fact you want them just as much or more. Why? To feed your weak-a** ego and make you feel better about yourself, that's why. These are not actions of a true Gentleman or a true Lady, these are actions of simple-minded children. It ends up in a short-term power struggle. Both parties are trying to prove to themselves they're attractive and valid. Ergo someone of the opposite sex who seems unimpressed by your existence becomes your target of affections because YOU want to feel better about YOURSELF in the fact that somehow you were so special that you caused that other person to change their minds. Hence all this "wanting what you can't have" nonsense. I can't have Marylin Monroe. Does that make me want her? Nope, she's not my type. Thanks anyway, Marylin.
That's why the "honeymoon phase" is just a phase in these generally failing relationships. That game does eventually get old and people either fall into a mundane routine of drudgery, or fall apart completely, realizing that said boost to their egos wasn't enough of a reason to keep a relationship going. "Oh, I just don't know what I want anymore" <-- Stupid! Well there's your problem. Know yourself, first, and quit your low-self-esteem mentality (harder than it sounds given the bombardment of it 24/7 around us, I know), and learn how to ask the right questions to evaluate whether or not this prospective mate is for you, and 99% of these problems go away on their own. This starts with learning to ignore what society is constantly drilling into you (for your money, they don't actually care you exist, which is a separate sermon altogether), ignoring what your friends or parents think is best for you, and actually going after what YOU want for your life.
So it was a little dig...
