Make up your Wills, Power Of Attorney (money and medical) and for goodness sakes...

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Holy hell...

Things still in a state of stasis with my Father In Law. Not sure when they are going to do surgery for his bowel obstruction. Not waking up anytime soon and presumably his rent is now overdue at his apartment. No Power Of Attorney or anything. I guess we will start to pay his bills and sort it out after the fact.

So... For those of you reading this...

Make your damn Wills and have a Power of Attorney for both financial matters and medical matters. Better still do this and have a frank conversation with your loved ones about your final wishes should you end up incapacitated and unable to make decisions for yourself.

Ideally you would also make your burial/cremation preparations as well but I can understand people not doing those. My wife and I are doing these before the end of the year.

Thankfully the medical team at the hospital is listening to my wife and she is the conduit for information in and out and the final decisions regarding her father are going through her.
 
Zoodles95 said:
Holy hell...

Things still in a state of stasis with my Father In Law. Not sure when they are going to do surgery for his bowel obstruction. Not waking up anytime soon and presumably his rent is now overdue at his apartment. No Power Of Attorney or anything. I guess we will start to pay his bills and sort it out after the fact.

So... For those of you reading this...

Make your damn Wills and have a Power of Attorney for both financial matters and medical matters. Better still do this and have a frank conversation with your loved ones about your final wishes should you end up incapacitated and unable to make decisions for yourself.

Ideally you would also make your burial/cremation preparations as well but I can understand people not doing those. My wife and I are doing these before the end of the year.

Thankfully the medical team at the hospital is listening to my wife and she is the conduit for information in and out and the final decisions regarding her father are going through her.
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Would it be cheaper for you to move his stuff into storage now?
 
CruisnGrrl said:
Would it be cheaper for you to move his stuff into storage now?
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We don't know yet what his lease really entails etc. Yes, I guess it would but there is a possibility that he might pull through after the surgery and unbelievably might be able to go home. Odds are against it and it is far more likely that he will be in a nursing home if he pulls through but there are no fast answers and it is literally hour to hour at this point.
 
Zoodles95 said:
Well, do do is part of my Father-In-Law's problems. He has had a whack of issues with hernias for years and now part of his bowel has folded over itself and caused a bowel obstruction. Sorry for the gallows humour but he is literally full of **** now which combined with his liver being cyrotic has made for some toxins which are preventing him from coming out of the coma. Need him to improve so that they can fix the bowel obstuction which will get rid of the do do...

So... It is really all about the do do!

I always try to make light of things so that is what I am doing here. My poor wife... We are still mourning the loss of our Pug Lucy and now this... Everyone here has either dealt with something like this or likely will in their lifetime.

Hopefully someone can learn from what we are going through.

Oh... and too much do do is a problem!
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Keeping a good sense of humour is key. It keeps you from going insane. Without going in to details, I am going through a tough situation with a loved one and I inject humour into the conversations just to keep things positive.
 
Slim Jim said:
Keeping a good sense of humour is key. It keeps you from going insane. Without going in to details, I am going through a tough situation with a loved one and I inject humour into the conversations just to keep things positive.
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10-4 on that... I wish you well with your situation.
 
Zoodles95 said:
We don't know yet what his lease really entails etc. Yes, I guess it would but there is a possibility that he might pull through after the surgery and unbelievably might be able to go home. Odds are against it and it is far more likely that he will be in a nursing home if he pulls through but there are no fast answers and it is literally hour to hour at this point.
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well hopefully things work out, sounds like he's lucky to have you and your wife caring for him
 
Zoodles, this will sound cold, but that's me..... you cant cancel stuff like cable ect. without the account in your name but you can contact customer service and advise them of the situation, they have a process to stop accrude payment. The rent may be direct deposit so it may be just coming out of the acct. Go and see the property manager, they deal with this all the time to.
There is just so much stuff to look after on these projects, if there are siblings split up tasks.
My advice, for what its worth, is don't get too out of pocket if you can avoid it. Any settling after the fact is a major PITA, keep all reciepts. Its amazing how many people get screwed in events like this.

My sincere best wishes for you and your wife in your challenge.
 
Yikes... More uncertainty...

So... We were led to believe that he HAD to have surgery to fix his bowel obstruction. It was probably going to entail removing part of his bowel etc. Now... The latest is that apparently his hernia has calmed down and whatever swelling there was in the area has improved. So, they want to try laxatives etc and be able to start to give him a different IV diet. Presumably this will all start to go through his system and the do do which has been stuck in the upper GI area will work their way through and out.

What perplexes me is that he is still in a coma. We were told that he was in the coma because of the high ammonia levels in his system etc. The thing is that he is no closer to coming back to consciousness even though his ammonia levels etc are much better. Worse yet he has had a couple of seizures. We do not want him to suffer or languish but at this point we are running on old, inaccurate info with respect to his brain function. They are doing EEGs but they are taking FOREVER to get the results back to the ICU. By the time they get the info (which has all been encouraging so far) then things have changed.

So... Kidneys producing urine and the test for them suggest they are working well. The ammonia etc is settling down... I don't know to be hopeful or what?

I guess we just keep a short term outlook. If it were me I would want my wife to give me a chance. Trouble is that he is looking at a good month of hospital stay and rehab if he woke up tomorrow. The ICU docs tell us that at his age every day of a coma equates to about a week of rehab.

Just keep going I guess...
 
crankcall said:
Get a real lawyer that does estate planning to do your will. and have a power of attorney. The simple wording can affect transfer in an inheiritance.
IE; Joe has three kids, but one of those kids (fred) predeceased Joe. Does Freds kids get Freds share? or are they out? This is stuff that needs to be looked at.
And even if your will says cremation your executor can change it and bury you so have someone YOU TRUST.
And have a list of accounts, investments and loans, with account numbers and locations in a safe place with a copy of the will that someone YOU TRUST knows about. Lawyers no longer keep a copy of the will, its your responsability.

90% of us will leave a basic estate with a house, maybe some investments and a savings account or two. Don't be the guy with multiple properties, mortgages, stock holdings in three hundred companies, a fleet of vehicles and NO PAPER TRAIL.

Have awkward conversation about your wishes, where stuff is located , and what your expectations are of the end. Unless you want the tax and fee guys to get most of everything do not die without a will.
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Well said. Have a proper will, a written record of assets and liabilities and keep your CRA returns up to date. State your funeral wishes or have preplanning in place. Makes things a lot easier for who ever has to take care of your estate after the fact.
 
Gah... Unfortunately my Father-In-Law passed away and we found out today. We got into his apartment today and went to work trying to find any documents we could find. Right under his coffee table was a book on making your own Will but... Gah! No Will! Going back tomorrow to start the clean up and see if we can have anymore success finding a Will.
 
Zoodles95 said:
Gah... Unfortunately my Father-In-Law passed away and we found out today. We got into his apartment today and went to work trying to find any documents we could find. Right under his coffee table was a book on making your own Will but... Gah! No Will! Going back tomorrow to start the clean up and see if we can have anymore success finding a Will.
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My condolences to you and your family.
 
Joe Bass said:
My condolences to you and your family.
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Thanks so much... We are trying to be as protective as we can with my Brother-In-Law who is autistic. We lost my Mother-In-Law 5 years ago this summer and it was a huge adjustment for the poor guy. We try to protect him from the dangers and sadness of the world but you can't prevent certain things from happening and human mortality is one of them.

My Father-In-Law was a sweet and loving man. He had his vices and faults like all of us. He will be missed.
 
Holy Hell! I found his Holographic Will today. I am pretty certain that is the terminology for a Will written by oneself and in one's own handwriting. He did have it witnessed by someone else too. Any difference in dealing with a Holographic Will versus one drawn up by a Lawyer? Should we take it to a lawyer or JP to have it vetted by him/her and maybe have my Father-In-Law's signatures etc witnessed by his surviving Sister?

Go figure... In his stongbox he had a will from his Grandmother who he inherited money from back in 1989 and all of the paperwork from his ex-wife. We found bills, all of his past 7 tax returns and receipts etc. Would it not make sense to put the Will in the stongbox? No... I was cleaning the shelf under his coffee table and under a box full of electrical tape, duct tape etc was a ratty looking old self will kit. Inside... Well you now know the rest...

Oh... and let me tell you. Scary things happen in a sink with dirty dishes when they sit in water for two weeks. Wowsa... That took some doing. It is a continuing honor to be able to help clean up his affairs and home for him...

Oh... a ****** thing... His wallet, cell phone, and keys are all missing. This is a major PITA when you need to cancel things. A Driver's Licence is a handy thing to have along with a death certificate. Somehow the hospital has managed to lose these things. Also, he passed away at 3 P.M. on Sunday and the only reason we found out Monday morning is because my wife called for an update! WTF!?
 
OMG!

I just read over the Wills etc. He did have a Living Will and thank goodness our assessment/best guess for what he wanted we did. However... Holy hell... Two "Wills"... One from 1999 and a newer one from 2007. The one from 1999 has a signature from a witness but my FIL (now going to do this as shortform for Father-In-Law because that's how he wrote it in all the cards, letters etc he gave me in the 21 years I knew him) did not sign that Will. Then... same thing for the 2007 will. He did not actually sign it! His handwriting is all over the wills because he was filling in stuff on these will kits. But he never signed it where he was supposed to! Now what the heck does that mean? Yikes!

Just the same this is so my FIL... This is so "him". He was sweet but had his flaws. He was the ultimate procrastinator at times and not always the most responsible person. Again, we all have our vices and flaws... I certainly have mine...
 
Good advice. My wife and I setup a will with a lawyer after listening to Dave Ramsey who pointed out that a will is part of your financial plan. Our will is in a fire/water proof safe along with other important documents such as passports, insurance, etc. and notified our executor where to find it in should both of us die at the same time (knock on wood).
 
Condolences to you and yours.

You're not alone - just do your best and look after those dear to you. Had an unpleasant clearing out of my wife's father's social assistance cockroach infested apartment. Not fun. Chin up.
 
BrownBrady said:
Good advice. My wife and I setup a will with a lawyer after listening to Dave Ramsey who pointed out that a will is part of your financial plan. Our will is in a fire/water proof safe along with other important documents such as passports, insurance, etc. and notified our executor where to find it in should both of us die at the same time (knock on wood).
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Good job BrownBrady! I am trying to share my experiences so that they may help others. My wife and I never could really make up our wills. Tried the computer packaged ones sold at Staples etc and the Will kit stuff. Never could really seem to get it done. After my Mother-In-Law passed away 5 years ago we said that was it. We went and found a Lawyer and made up the Wills, Power Of Attorney (medical and financial) and a couple of other odds and ends. The Lawyers do these all the time and have seen a lot of different circumstances and situations. They will be able to help craft a will that will work for you and the visit will take two hours or less. Then you will likely not have to update this stuff for a good decade or more. Of course if you marry, get divorced, have children etc then the will needs an adendum or needs to be completely updated.

If you get sick and end up in a coma without a power of attorney in place then your spouse might not be able to access your funds, make medical decisions on your behalf etc. MAKE A WILL! And... Let your executor and close loved ones know where the heck it is.

Even my Mother-In-Law was a crap show. It took me two days to find her Will and it was a in weird spot as well. At least her will was made up by a lawyer and was all in order. She also had made her final arrangements and let me tell you what a gift that was to us. She had a credit card looking thing with a phone number etc. Just called the funeral home and it was all taken care of. She had already picked out her casket, service etc. All done... Allowed us to devote 100% of our attention to my Brother-In-Law who is autistic and who lived with her up until she died. My Mother-In-Law was the epitomy of a very responsible person whereas my Father-In-Law was... well... not so much... Small wonder they seperated in 1982 and divorced a few years after.
 
klr_guy said:
Condolences to you and yours.

You're not alone - just do your best and look after those dear to you. Had an unpleasant clearing out of my wife's father's social assistance cockroach infested apartment. Not fun. Chin up.
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Thanks... Wowsa... Sounds like your experience was literally a mess. To my FIL's credit the place was relatively clean. Tons of clutter and he had been purging stuff since he moved in last fall. The bathroom was not up to my standards but I was able to fix that pretty quickly. I have no idea what the hell he had been making in that microwave over the years. Tons of greasy type foods that is for sure. That kitchen is squeeky clean now. I do not want to leave a nasty mess for the superintendent to clean up. I figure that this is our mess now and anything I can do to help my wife is something I can contribute to this situation. In good times and bad... In sickness and in health... She stuck by me when I was out of work, going to trucking school, away for weeks at a time when I was driving truck. Now it is my turn to help carry her...
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