Some lawyer jokes.
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
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A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues.
"I'm too young to die. I'm only 55."
"Fifty-five?" says God.
"No, according to our calculations, you're 82."
"How'd you get that?" the lawyer asks.
God: "We added up your time sheets."