Jokes

Was afraid we had a cult in town. They believe in zombies. They talk of suspending the laws of gravity. They even drink their leaders blood....

Nope. Turns out they're just Roman Catholics.
 
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend with big boobs, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.

So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.

She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.

So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big boobs.
 
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My sister was a nurse prepping a rotund woman for a C section birth. The doctor commented “ How could someone like you get pregnant”

The woman shot back “That question could only be asked by a man with a short dick”
 
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