Is there a male loneliness epidemic?

[Renboy]

Some of you are failing to understand that introvert does not equal lonely. An introvert only speaks when they have something they feel worth saying. But, once they start talking, pull up a chair or your feet will get sore. We don't do small talk. Lonely is when you can't find someone to connect with, even to have deep conversations.

I think, that's the best way I could describe it.

 

[Lightcycle]

We moved out in the middle of the sticks in April 2020 - the height of the pandemic.

We weren't allowed to see or talk to anyone in person for close to two years, in a brand new town, in a brand new province.

I'm as introverted as PP, but even I found the prolonged isolation a bit too much to take and when the restrictions were lifted, I found that the best way to make new friends was to find people who were as interested, no... obsessed with the same thing I am obsessed about.

What worked for me was finding a Facebook group with organized group rides. Then finding people on those rides you get along with. Invite them on rides outside the FB group. If things go well, you go drinking after a ride. Which then turns into drinking on the weekends - all the time talking about motorcycles of course... Every once in a while someone will send a group message out: "Workin' on the bikes this weekend", a whole bunch of us will then show up with beer. Everyone likes hanging around a garage while someone's tinkering on a car or motorcycle.

Even if you don't meet people right off the bat, at least you're still doing something you enjoy doing - riding motorcycles...

 

[shanekingsley]

Loneliness is perpetually posting about politics in the basements of motorcycle forums.
Go do something outside. Anything.

 

[Jampy00]

@Jampy00 watch some of Jordan Peterson's videos on the topic of maleness and you'll find out a lot more...

Thanks?
Just to be clear, I post to start a conversation, in many cases it directly pertains to me, in this case it does not.

 

[nakkers]

Mental health challenges everyone. However, with males, they tend to take these challenges on by themselves. Chatting with their friends about feelings and emotions isn’t received well. Having a sense of purpose and keeping active definitely helps.

I enjoy my alone time and need it. But, it can also be too much of a good thing and need some social interaction of some type.

I think over the last decade as the focus has been on the marginalized, the blame is on the male dominated patriarchy. So, how does this impact young males hearing males are the reason for systemic racism and the cause of oppression for everyone else?

They haven’t figured out who the are and yet they are being told they are the problem or going to be the problem. There isn’t a place for them any more. Maybe if they change their gender, they can be on the right side or accepted?

I’ve got two male step children now at university age. When I was introduced to them at a young age, they had amazing skills with video games but, intimidated with anything to do with tools. Elementary schools don’t have shop class any more. Most parents hire professionals and don’t expose their kids to construction. They have a Dad that plays video games with them still and not much else.

We reno’d a bathroom, kitchen and built a fence and involved them in every step of the way. One is very much an introvert and the other is extrovert. Both have confidence in themselves.

 

[LePhillou]

It's nothing new. But now it's more "talked" about.

Also what's getting a bit worse is we don't have as many "third places" where people just meet and chat. The younger gen don't go to pubs and bars as much as they used to. Several hobbies aren't cheap (ayyyoooo!) and that's a perfect place to grow your circle, even if it's just that one extra good friend. But people will find community online. People meet their significant others online more and more.
Most of my friends i've met through, my bar partying days, work, sports, car enthusiast circle, motorcycle circle. I've made new closer connections with people who originally would've stayed in the peripheral acquaintances circle over things like running or cycling.

Women have that big "collective help" vibe, and I find that theyre better at building community and connections. We as men just have to figure it out, fake it till you make it. We can't ask for help cause it ain't manly amirite !? lol

Happy international women's day folks!

 

[bigpoppa]

if anyone wants to hang out, dm me

 

[crankcall]

I'm no phycologist , but I play one on the internet. Its easy for me to say grow a pair and join a cycling group, hiking group, learn to sail , whetever . But I'm a clinical TypeA career sales weasel. I'll talk to anybody about anything and I have no inate need to be liked. Nor can I be offended. I'm shallow enough I may drown in a puddle .
But @nakkers has a real point , mental health , and to a degree I suspect this is it , is easy for everyone except the guy with the problem. They dont want to be rejected, which keeps them from seeking out a group activity, asking someone to go for coffee . Checking out a library book is intimidating. Thedy arent sure how they will fit in , so they dont try. Its a paralysis for some. Made worse by the Woke, and blame males are to feel for the percieved generational oppression heaped on others.

 

[nakkers]

What has helped me is music, motorcycles (and bicycles) and machines (vintage cars). Noodling on a guitar, doing a brake job on a bike, having a coffee or beer. I can do that for hours alone and feel completely grounded. It can also include friends or neighbours and doing those things while shooting the .

I’ve also got a partner that can recognize when I’m blue and need to do something to get out of my funk.

Don’t have a big circle of friends but I do have friends that give us space when we need it and there when they need us or need them.

 

[matt365]

I'm no phycologist , but I play one on the internet. Its easy for me to say grow a pair and join a cycling group, hiking group, learn to sail , whetever . But I'm a clinical TypeA career sales weasel. I'll talk to anybody about anything and I have no inate need to be liked. Nor can I be offended. I'm shallow enough I may drown in a puddle .
But @nakkers has a real point , mental health , and to a degree I suspect this is it , is easy for everyone except the guy with the problem. They dont want to be rejected, which keeps them from seeking out a group activity, asking someone to go for coffee . Checking out a library book is intimidating. Thedy arent sure how they will fit in , so they dont try. Its a paralysis for some. Made worse by the Woke, and blame males are to feel for the percieved generational oppression heaped on others.

I've had to work at being an extrovert. Many just implode. The younger generation doesn't know how to interact with anyone, unless they're behind a controller, and a screen. Sometimes its easier to play the victim to elicit sympathy.

Happy international women's day?!

Ignore men day, I think is tomorrow. Or is that the rest of the year? Can't recall.

Fun to not be part of any apparently "disadvantaged" group... it would be nice to blame my problems on somebody else. Apparently I have all this "privilege"... neat.

Blaming others saves people from looking in the mirror, and realizing they are the only ones standing in their own way.

I guess I could identify as anything I wanted at this point, and nobody can tell me any different!

Be good all. Work on yourselves; but there is no shame in asking for help.

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[timtune]

I'm no phycologist , but I play one on the internet. Its easy for me to say grow a pair and join a cycling group, hiking group, learn to sail , whetever . But I'm a clinical TypeA career sales weasel. I'll talk to anybody about anything and I have no inate need to be liked. Nor can I be offended. I'm shallow enough I may drown in a puddle .
But @nakkers has a real point , mental health , and to a degree I suspect this is it , is easy for everyone except the guy with the problem. They dont want to be rejected, which keeps them from seeking out a group activity, asking someone to go for coffee . Checking out a library book is intimidating. Thedy arent sure how they will fit in , so they dont try. Its a paralysis for some. Made worse by the Woke, and blame males are to feel for the percieved generational oppression heaped on others.

Think this could be connected too much screen time and not enough face to face?

 

[bigpoppa]

I suspect loneliness is manifested in many other ways as well (depression, substance abuse etc)

 

[crankcall]

I think there have been hermits and mountain men as long as society has existed , screen time probably doesn’t help it . Those formative early years have been really hard with kids closed off for the last three years , we will see the true results of that in about a decade .



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[timtune]

I think there have been hermits and mountain men as long as society has existed , screen time probably doesn’t help it . Those formative early years have been really hard with kids closed off for the last three years , we will see the true results of that in about a decade .



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Here's a fun read about a guy who wandered off and lived alone in the bush for decades.

https://www.amazon.ca/Stranger-Woods-Extraordinary-Story-Hermit/dp/1101875682

 

[LePhillou]

I think there have been hermits and mountain men as long as society has existed , screen time probably doesn’t help it . Those formative early years have been really hard with kids closed off for the last three years , we will see the true results of that in about a decade .



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No to sound like the crunchy granola parent but man...screen time is one helluva drug... i can seeeee the proportional effect it has on my kids mood (esp the youngest who hasnt figured out regulation yet), depending on how long they plays.
30m to 1hour, he's fine..thanks you for the play time
1h to 1.5 hour, he's irritated but stops while trying to convince you to let him play longer
2h + full on tantrum/meltdown

The lack of boredom requirement is going the be quite a horrible thing to deal with in the future. Luckily my kids are pretty social, want to go outdoors, are pretty active, we go camping usually a few times per year (without screeeeeeenssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
I'm trying to do what i can to help them. But man, it's not gonna be easy. So many people don't have their kids in activities, they get home and it's ipad, tv, phone.
I can't blame the parents truly, activities are expensive, schedules are already busy and life is getting expensiver by the minute and you can't tell kids to just go out and play anymore, the parent has to watch, streets are more dangerous (true or not...unsure) etc etc.

 

[bitzz]

Is this "INCEL" for middle age guys?

 

[matt365]

Is this "INCEL" for middle age guys?

Incel is Involuntary Celibate... by middle aged, I'd seriously hope not... 40 year old virgin?

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[FullMotoJacket]

Incel is Involuntary Celibate... by middle aged, I'd seriously hope not... 40 year old virgin?

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You can decide to be celibate at 40+/- regardless of you being a virgin or not.

 

[Baggsy]

Some people's loneliness is other people's peace and quiet.

 

[robertv19]

You do need to grow up. You do need to get a thicker skin.

Life is fkn hard. The sooner you learn that, the better off you will be. ( ballers in the chat need not apply )

The current belief that masculinity is bad, is just wrong.

Agreed, but the above applies to anyone, regardless of gender. The implication that it’s only the responsibility of men is the part I take issue with.