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Scarey things

Wingboy

Wingboy

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My wife died 4 months ago. A female aquiantance asked me to go out with her today. She is a really nice person and wanted company at a local concert.
I was terrified, but couldn't say no. What would she think of me if i turned her down? What if... What if.
We had a great time. Turned a corner tonite. No, i didn't get "lucky".

What are your greatest fears?
 
"What are your greatest fears?"

I think living to be as old as my mother who will soon be 102. At that age you're extremely restricted as to what you can do and if you still have most of your faculties, you know that it's not gonna get any better - you're just putting in time & waiting to die. Not much of a life imo! My mother talks about the futility of her situation every time I speak to her by phone (she's in a different Province than I am so I only see her once a year when I go there to visit with her.) She always asks me; "what do I have to look forward to?

I want to give her an answer but I just can't because there is no suitable answer to that question that would give her hope and it makes me wonder about what my own future might be.

Sounds like you are progressing well through your grieving process. Be patient; take it slow and eventually, you'll be OK. Don't rush anything but also don't shut yourself down. Take advantage of any social opportunities that end up before you. You will always remember and honour your wife, that's a given but you now need to focus on being whole again yourself and your wife, I'm sure, would understand and encourage that.
 
I lost my wife of 25 years 11 years ago. “Till death do us part”. We both kept up our end of the bargain. It took me another 6 years to decide I should be with someone else after I met my now wife. I think you have to move on at some point. How long that is, is different for everyone.
 
I'd worry that I might be out of touch with rules and expectations. Three date rule, who picks up checks etc. Easy fix, ask your kids.

My biggest fear would be how to get out gracefully if something turns after a few great dates, and some lucky.
 
I never thought of the situation until a friend's wife succumbed to cancer. He was in his mid 50's, not a slob, decent job, house and cottage, healthy with no booze or drug issues.

It's totally different from being 21 with no assets and a "Hell, I'll try that" attitude.

He was hit on by a 40ish divorcee with two young kids. It didn't end well as she was largely looking for financial stability. He eventually met the right one, a widow of similar age and not looking for anything but companionship. They enhanced each other. Neither was looking for a banker, landlord, chauffeur or doormat. They were comfortable with each other and people were comfortable with them.

My wife recalls a conversation with a widow who stated that if she remarried he would need to have as much as she had. It sounds mercenary but there are a lot of Gigolos out there. Food for thought. I know of a few families destroyed by gold-diggers as well. The family reform act isn't always kind.

I've also read that people that had happy marriages tend to remarry, an indication of their previous enjoyment in life. People with bad marriages tended to become bitter towards the subject. Having a new SO in one's life is a compliment to a previous partner.
 
Wingboy said:
My wife died 4 months ago. A female aquiantance asked me to go out with her today. She is a really nice person and wanted company at a local concert.
I was terrified, but couldn't say no. What would she think of me if i turned her down? What if... What if.
We had a great time. Turned a corner tonite. No, i didn't get "lucky".

What are your greatest fears?
Click to expand...

Did you head out to Bluesfest?
The lineup this year is excellent.
Got to see Whitehorse and Sam Roberts Band on Thursday.
Heading back tonight to see New Pornographers.

Glad to hear that everything went well!
 
Would love to see the New Pornographers.
I will never cave dive .

Everyone’s window of moving on is different. Good friend thought he was ready , had to do a reset . He’s good now .


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I think my greatest fear is becoming a vegetable and a drag on the family.

Outside of that I’m terrified of something happening to my kids like a large injury or death…that scares the poo out of me. But they need to grow so I’m not a helicopter parents but keep a watchful eye.

My wife knows to pull the plug if I become a vegetable.
 
mimico_polak said:
I think my greatest fear is becoming a vegetable and a drag on the family.

Outside of that I’m terrified of something happening to my kids like a large injury or death…that scares the poo out of me. But they need to grow so I’m not a helicopter parents but keep a watchful eye.

My wife knows to pull the plug if I become a vegetable.
Click to expand...
Ditto but I don't know if I could pull the plug on someone else. I'm all for MAID for my own situation. You need a promise keeper at the switch.

I know a lady in her 50's who has had her life on hold for 2 years with another 5?? to go. Mom is full Alzheimer.

Fortunately they are OK financially. Private care could eat a major part of a million. I'd rather see it go to family education.
 
Mad Mike said:
I'd worry that I might be out of touch with rules and expectations. Three date rule, who picks up checks etc. Easy fix, ask your kids.

My biggest fear would be how to get out gracefully if something turns after a few great dates, and some lucky.
Click to expand...
Rules may be different for your kids age group. I assume you would dating closer to your age group than theirs (although you are a baller home owner so maybe that assumption is incorrect).
 
Even the gap from when I was dating the kids mom and when they started dating , it was different.
My friends now that are dating , it’s all over the place . Some have way more money than the person they are seeing and some have WAY less than the person they are seeing .
The cool part is at 55-65 most of them are able to say “ ok how shall we do this “ not some awkward shuffle .



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Robp said:
Spiders.
Click to expand...

LOL. You know how you feel something on your arm and assume it's a bug, but when you look it's nothing? I just felt something on my forehead and thought I was imagining it, so brushed it with my finger and a small spider fell onto my shirt, which I quickly flicked away. Now every time I feel something, I think it's another one (or the same one).
 
My mom is finding the readjustment difficult after my father passed away this past February. Married for 60yrs. She’s never lived alone and although she has some friends nearby she still lives in a small town so there isn’t a lot to do.
Moving on in your 80’s has to be difficult.
On another note, my BIL’s groomsman lost his wife to cancer in her early 30’s and although it was tough at first he has since found someone wonderful and has remarried.
I once dated who I thought was going to be my wife, until it ended. I was devastated, eventually dating a narcissistic woman who made my life and me horrible for a couple years until I finally was able to break free. Then met the love of my life and life has never been better. It’s tough at first, time helps, then it’ll get better.

And my short answer is snakes and tight caves I can’t turn around in.
 
Opening a door to the outside in the dark ....Gmork scared me...anything that growls that I can't see,Image result for Gmork waving grass in Ghost and the Darkness.
Even my own back yard here in Aus which is somewhat organized rain forest gives me pause.
 
robertv19 said:
Did you head out to Bluesfest?
The lineup this year is excellent.
Got to see Whitehorse and Sam Roberts Band on Thursday.
Heading back tonight to see New Pornographers.

Glad to hear that everything went well!
Click to expand...
Yes. Victoria park. Can't remember the group's name. They covered Sly and the Family Stone.
 
Jayv said:
Being wheeled into the OR for heart surgery, nothing quite like it :) It's either the last 5 mins of your life, or the start of a new beginning.
Click to expand...
Been there, a lot crosses your mind in a very short time.

Life and priorities are much different if you wake up the next morning.
 
Never in hospital after my tonsils at 8. Not even a broken bone for lots of stupid moves tho I cracked one out on a trials ride where my knee went the wrong direction...tough ride home on one leg through mild bush, one small log to jump but much easier to ride than walk.
Dr at McMaster Sports centre missed the tiny break and when I went back asking why it still hurt he took a closer look and found the hair line fracture. He said no need to splint it as already mostly healed and since no splint no muscle loss.
That damn spot hurt before a rain for years tho. Some air pressure thing.
Worst injury that is still a daily issue is my torn rotator cuff which is unrepairable and a torn muscle above my left knee that just makes me a bit less balanced. None of those required a hospital.
A bout with cancer had me visiting for my chemo and radiation but no overnight stays.
My dad walked himself to the ambulance at 95 still driving legally and died 2 days later of a heart attack with a DNR in place....even had the presence of mind during the attack to make sure the nurses knew about the DNR.
Hard conversation for me to have but he was right on it and said make sure no resusitation....he was a lot more together about it than I was. ( they did not know what was wrong with him other than very jaundiced )....
Turned out the fatal heart attack was a good thing as liver cancer not a fun way to go out.
I'll take Dad as a model. (y)
Partner and I have discussed it and both agree any "vegetable" diagnosis is a DNR event but apparently I have to keep her breathing for 2 weeks to get some extra insurance money :rolleyes:
Working on carboard coffins under a tree but not sure that is a thing here.
I'd be happy to fatten up a bear for winter.

Actually chatting with partner and doing some research it IS a thing here
Like this
and there is a franchise here and NZ.

www.gatheredhere.com.au

A Guide to Green Funerals in Australia

Eco-funerals and green burials are growing in popularity. Here’s what’s different about a sustainable farewell.
www.gatheredhere.com.au www.gatheredhere.com.au

And the local council has already set aside land for natural burials in the cemetery here.
Masterplan to guide cemetery's expansion
:coffee:
 
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