Parents of early teens and electronic privacy?

Riceburner

Riceburner

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So you parents(or anyone else) of early teens, say under 17. How much privacy should they have on their electronics like phones, tablets, etc. while they are under your roof and you pay for the phone and internet? Should the parents be able to access the phone? i.e have their password. Computer is already administered by the parent, so that's already controlled.
 
I figure most kids acquire trust and responsibility incrementally, over time, and that greatly influences the answer to this question. Also a big factor is whether your kid has a feature phone (congratulations on digging one up, if that's the case) or a smartphone, as for most kids these days a smartphone is functionally indistinguishable from a computer.
 
Smartphone, hence the question. Computer is under control, but phone and iPod is just as able to access online.
 
So it depends on you and your kids. What are your concerns that you think you need to be worried about content?

If its simple security you should install a AV like AVG on the phone. Although Malware is becoming more common on phones the majority of it is from Third party apps/app stores and 95% of all malware of phones is from China (Again 3rd part app stores) so its not really a huge threat in NA. Keep the phone locked with root disabled will precent the vast majority of malware and updated.

Sounds to me like you are less interested in the security side of it though are more about known who they are talking to and what apps they are using. Im sure no one whats their 13 year old daughter on tinder after-all. In that case its a balancing act. You should probably start by talking to your kids about the dangers that are out there from predators to people sharing those Nudies they took for their Boy Friend there are even legal consequences for the sharing that they need to be aware of. But you have to know your kids if you don't think your kid can take these lessons to heart then you might need to take a more interactive approach. I take the stance that if as a parent i'm paying for phone then i have full access to review content, if they are paying different story. I guess you would need to watch for signs that your kids are trying to by duplicitous. Ask them what apps they are using and what its for ask them to show you, if they shy away or are trying to angle the screen away from view then they may be trying to hide something although i'm sure most times it will be nothing.

But i don't have kids so this is just of the top of my head remember though trust is a two way street your kids will resent it and loose trust in you if your always demanding to see their phone.
 
There comes a time when you must trust your kid to do the right thing. Lay down the ground rules, tell them the consequences will be to lose the phone/laptop/tablet for a long period of time (believe me it's the kiss of death for these kids) if the rules are broken. If someone comes to you with a complaint, you have to investigate obviously, then act accordingly. It may break your heart to be strict, but anything you do is better than real world consequences. But make sure your kid knows that you are not going to be there to babysit him forever; that you have to rely on him/her to do the right thing. If they mess that up, the consequences will be their own fault. Basically, force the notion of responsibility on them. It worked with my kid, he grew up okay.
 
The simplistic rule is "It's my house and I set the house rules". That stopped working decades ago. (Jerry Mathers, the Beaver, is 66 years old) This is the "I have my rights" generation and while a parent can still impose the old rules they may not like the results. Negotiating the rules works better.

What, for example, is the parent going to do if they find something too "Over the top"? While a bit of soft porn is almost a healthy thing what if your 16 year old is eyeing a similar aged babe? Do you report the child porn?

What name is on the contract? If you pay for the phone and service it is your phone and you have the legal access rights to it. Whether that causes problems or not depends on the level of trust and responsibility in your home. Hypothetically, YOUR child could use YOUR phone to do things that could result in you losing YOUR home.

Is it any different than the family car? I own the car and the keys (password). You can use it if you are responsible but I have the right to check the mileage and glove-box. If you don't like it take the TTC.
 
Well, we learn that kids these days are getting hand jobs & BJs at 5 so porn should be the least of your worries
 
no privacy required. Over time they can earn trust and respect. My kids have always been told, if they wouldn't want me to read it they shouldn't put it on the internet.

a classic

[video=youtube_share;TtqZ2XbxQws]http://youtu.be/TtqZ2XbxQws[/video]

back when se of were kids, lots f suspect things happened, the biggest difference today is someone has posted about it, tagged a picture o posted a video somewhere. Back in "the day" there were simply rumours and legends, sometimes first hand account...

There is some much electronic record now, and kids don't understand enough about how this may come back to bite them in the azz 5, 10, or 20 years from now
 
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RockerGuy said:
Well, we learn that kids these days are getting hand jobs & BJs at 5 so porn should be the least of your worries
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well not really since there are several studies that link male pattern behavior and expectations of the fairer sex to be reflective of how women are portrayed in porn. Its actually a concern. For some people.........
 
Im a firm believer in the right to privacy. That might come back to bite me in the ass later on in life, but that's the gamble im willing to take for my (hypothetical) child to not live an Orwellian life.

What am I going to do? Age 6-10 search their closets for porn? Age 11 to 15 search for smokes? Age 15 to 18 search their rooms for weed? Age 19 to 20 search for condoms? Thats just impractical... and weirdly obsessive.

Teach the kid, allow for an honest and open relationship/dialogue and I guarantee that's probably more effective than being a cell phone Gestapo.
 
Boots, come back when you have kids and we'll talk. I to am a large believer in trust and being honest with my kids and allowing them privacy. I also love my kids beyond belief and would do what I felt was required for them to be safe. And if you search for condoms at age 19-20 and find them breath a sigh of relief. But if you ask your 15 yr old if they smoke weed, you can smell it and tell and they say no.... and you leave it at that, or your 16 yr old is throwing up for 3 hrs coming in from a BBQ and "didn't drink anything" and you fall for it and don't check it out , your not ready for the shittee part of parenting. Be the parent first, they may hate you till they are 20 but once they get it, they will be your friend for the rest of life, because you got them there.

I can tick all the boxes, underage drinking, weed, threatened lawsuit over copyright violations/ internet suspentions over illegal downloads, sexual predator stalking my 16yr old daughter ( I read the texts) (she showed me when it was out of control), lieing about where she was going (end destination) . Everything except police calling me to pick them up. And I actually had good kids in comparison to some of my friends.
 
You're their parent, not their friend. Your job is to protect them, sometimes from themselves. Every teen thinks they can handle anything that comes their way and resents any authority that tells them different. Until it hits the fan. Then it's "Daddy, fix this."
Lay down clear rules and let them know you'll be checking. And follow through. One empty threat and you've lost all credibility.
I know the popular and "progressive" thing is to "trust" and allow them their "privacy". IMO, that's lazy and irresponsible. And those parents are always so shocked when they find out their little darling has been selling drugs or having an online affair with a 48 year old married man.
You may have the best kids in the world, but their friends aren't. Or their friends' friends. And things can spiral pretty damn quickly.
Monitoring their electronic social life is no different than monitoring their use of the family car. Who, where, when.
I'm sure I'll get lots of flack for my opinion; so be it. But ask any cop or judge who deals with kids what the number one problem is.
 
I hear birth rate is way down. At 1/4 million dollars start to finish it's no wonder. And that's not even accounting for the nasty bits.
 
To some of the people above: You would afford your kids no social privacy? At all? Did your parents or your parents' parents sit in on every conversation their kids had with their friends?
 
TwistedKestrel said:
To some of the people above: You would afford your kids no social privacy? At all? Did your parents or your parents' parents sit in on every conversation their kids had with their friends?
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My parents knew my friends and their families. And those parents knew me. Sure we had time and space to ourselves but there was a whole network of adults who kept an eye on things. The internet has changed that by a factor of 1000.
You see it on this forum every day; given a chance and anonymity, people will be ********. Multiply that by 100 for teens.
Look at the suicides that were the result of online harassment. I'm sure the parents of the dirtbags who literally hounded those kids to death thought their children were little angels and deserved their privacy.
Sometimes it's also about protecting other kids from yours.
 
CanadianBiker said:
My parents knew my friends and their families. And those parents knew me. Sure we had time and space to ourselves but there was a whole network of adults who kept an eye on things. The internet has changed that by a factor of 1000.
You see it on this forum every day; given a chance and anonymity, people will be ********. Multiply that by 100 for teens.
Look at the suicides that were the result of online harassment. I'm sure the parents of the dirtbags who literally hounded those kids to death thought their children were little angels and deserved their privacy.
Sometimes it's also about protecting other kids from yours.
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+1000000 Internet has changed everything
 
CanadianBiker said:
You're their parent, not their friend. Your job is to protect them, sometimes from themselves. Every teen thinks they can handle anything that comes their way and resents any authority that tells them different. Until it hits the fan. Then it's "Daddy, fix this."
Lay down clear rules and let them know you'll be checking. And follow through. One empty threat and you've lost all credibility.
I know the popular and "progressive" thing is to "trust" and allow them their "privacy". IMO, that's lazy and irresponsible. And those parents are always so shocked when they find out their little darling has been selling drugs or having an online affair with a 48 year old married man.
You may have the best kids in the world, but their friends aren't. Or their friends' friends. And things can spiral pretty damn quickly.
Monitoring their electronic social life is no different than monitoring their use of the family car. Who, where, when.
I'm sure I'll get lots of flack for my opinion; so be it. But ask any cop or judge who deals with kids what the number one problem is.
Click to expand...

True that...!!!
 
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CanadianBiker said:
Every teen thinks they can handle anything that comes their way and resents any authority that tells them different.
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"Every" one thinks teens are monsters and out of control. I know I'm nitpicking but am not comfortable with the use of the word "every". When I was growing up in the late sixties/early seventies I became acutely aware of the huge generation gap because, you know, it was the hippie era and most parents went thru WW2. Not being around long enough to acquire full context it sure seemed to me that the unenlightened older generation waged a psychological war against teens. It's the adults you couldn't talk to because to them everything was black and white. If you look at the way adults bi*** and moan about the police, government, employers and in the case of men, their wives, who resents authority?
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